today i let you skip me in the lunch line. i was super hungry but the chicken nuggets can wait.

love is patient

i made a pretty valentine for you today. i even used extra glitter.

love is kind

today when you gave billy your slap bracelet, instead of me, i didnt get jealous. instead, i smiled because i saw your kind-heartedness.

it does not envy

today you got an A+ on the math quiz while i got a B yet you didnt throw it in my face.

it does not boast

today you came to school in your new outfit and sparkly eyeshadow on yet you didnt think you were too good to talk to me.

it is not proud

when you accidently stepped on my shoes today i just smiled and said it was okay.

it is not rude

today i picked you a flower at recess and you put it in your hair. you didnt give me anything in return but i didnt care. you looked so beautiful.

it is not self-seeking

today you struck me out in dodgeball but i didnt get mad.

it is not easily angered

today you forgot to bring my garbage pail kids cards to school. i was a lil upset but just told you to bring them tomorrow.

it keeps no record of wrongs

today i accidently dropped your homework in the puddle. i felt so bad having to tell you the truth but you were proud of me and let me know it was okay.

love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth

one of the fourth graders called you a mean word. i told them to back off and leave you alone!

always protects

i let you borrow my favorite pencil today because i know you wont lose it.

always trusts

i passed you a note today. hopefully youll check the right one.

always hopes

all this week, ive given you some of my goldfish at lunch. even though they are my favorite i know you love them even more.

always perseve

reslove never fails...

its sad how so many people get caught up in the daily activities of life and forget what true love is all about.

A Knock on Heaven's Door...

Once again, I am standing at death’s door. I can’t breathe. My body hurts. I am wheezing just like an asthmatic kid. But this time, it is serious.

Sadly, this may be my last blog ever.

According to webmd.com, I am suffering from: emphysema, arthritis, black lung, scurvy, eye cancer, bulimia, measles and pneumonia.

All of my symptoms are characteristic of the above mentioned ailments.

There is good news, though…. I AM GOING TO HEAVEN.

When I die, I will be going to Heaven. I believe it. Now, some of you who are reading this, may not believe in an afterlife or you may not believe in God. And that is your choice. Not believing in something does not make it less true.

I will avoid a theological debate for now.

Recently, I read a poll that said 91% of Americans believe in Heaven. The same poll showed that only 74% of Americans believe in Hell.

Wishful thinking by some!

If I use logic, this would mean that some people believe that Mother Theresa is in Heaven but Hitler, well, he’s JUST DEAD. Or maybe they believe Hitler is in Heaven as well.

In my mind, there must be a Hell if there is a Heaven. Everything in life AND death is in balance.
For every “A” we get on our report cards, there is always the possibility of getting an “F”. Otherwise, what is the point of studying and trying to achieve good grades? And I believe that holds true with life.

However, my faith of choice is not about good grades or doing good deeds. Because I am a Christian, good works are SUPPOSED to be a result of my faith. GOOD WORKS alone are not supposed to be my free ride to Heaven.

For every good deed we do, there are countless bad ones we do.

I am certain that Hitler, as evil as he was, probably showed various acts of kindness during his lifetime. People who have known certain serial killers such as David Berkowitz or Jeffrey Dahmer or Ted Bundy all expressed shock when these men were named as being cold and calculating murderers. Friends of these people claimed they were always “gentle” and “kind” with others.

So, in my mind, if GOOD deeds alone got us all into Heaven, there would have to be some magical number of Good Deeds for us to accomplish to get our free ticket.

Recently, I was asked how do I know that my faith of choice is the right one…My answer is I DON’T KNOW.

I do know it is the most logical for me, personally. Not believing in God just seems arrogant to me. To think, we humans, as flawed as we are, ARE the most powerful being of creation just seems narcissistic.

Because Christianity has a history ripe with eyewitnesses of Christ and His followers, I find it easy to believe in it. I read accounts of George Washington and I believe those stories and all of those characters of history. So, why would I doubt the eyewitness of Biblical times? But that is just me.

Also, as elementary as this might be…. I really have nothing to lose.

If I am wrong and there is no God, I simply die. No Heaven. No Hell. I simply rot. Nothing lost.I die exactly the same way everyone else dies… believers or non-believers. WE all just rot.
But if I am right, if my faith is the right one, by God, I do not worry when I am sick and knocking at death’s door like I am right now.

After further research on webmd.com, I have narrowed my ailment down to The Flu.
I will be better in 3 to 5 days.

Dear (younger-firmer-idealistic yet already jaded) Me, ....
.. ..
I can’t believe it’s been 11 years. You’ll never believe everything that has happened and where you are now. I’m not going to tell you because you would cry and I hated crying even then. Don’t worry though, nothing has happened that can’t be fixed with a few corrections on your part. ....
.. ..
Stop doing drugs and drinking. I know that you can handle it, you’ll be okay but the people it will bring into your life in the next few years won’t be good for you. By drugs I also mean the Vicodin and pain pills. Just because a doctor prescribes them doesn’t make them healthy. ....
.. ..
Don’t let ----- cheat on you!Seriously don’t do it, I don’t care if it is just a few kisses with a few women, just don’t okay? You’ll wonder what you missed out on for the next ten years even if you know nothing would have came of it anyway. Watch how it plays out before you let it happen. ....
.. ..
When you meet any boy/man named Robert, Edward, Sam,Roger,Ricky,Kevin , any variation of the name Michael...well let’s face it, any boy at all who you kinda, sorta like.....RUN!!! Run as far away as you can and don’t look back. They are bad news, trust me. Until you meet one who doesn’t make you feel sorry for them or bad about yourself for being with them then you need to leave the boys alone. ....
.. ..
Go to school. Quit bitching about getting up early and staying out of school for no reason at all. You LIKE school, dumbass and at this point in your adolescence it is just about your one saving grace. When you’re older you’ll get it, for now just fucking go and quit wasting time. ....
.. ..
Tell on ----- when she stops eating and when she starts having unprotected sex. It will save a lot of people years of unhappiness if you just never, ever encourage her to have sex. Not everyone is like you when it comes to that and the sooner you learn that, the better. Tell her it’s awful and it hurts, she’ll listen to you when she won’t listen to anyone else. ....
.. ..
.. ..
Stop hating Mom. She is doing the best she can and you know it, you just don’t want to admit it. . ....
.. ..
Even when you ignore every bit of that advice, like I know you will, take this little bit of knowledge and cling to it tightly. You are awesome and don’t let anyone tell you different. You are never going to be perfect so quit trying. Quit trying to be what everyone needs you to be. Quit being so snotty and self centered. Quit trying to grow up so fucking fast. You honestly have no idea what you are giving up right now and I cry when I think about it. You are socially awkward but in a few short years that will be the “in” thing to be so just embrace it, you are a pioneer not an outcast. Don’t hate, it’s unproductive and don’t plot your revenge, they’ll all get what’s coming to them anyway. Be yourself, completely and without regret and absolutely the most important advice that I have to give that you won’t take....don’t worry, be happy. ....
.. ..
Love, ....
(older-wider-wiser-slightly less dysfunctional) Me

In pain....

He was lost. Beyond lost. He didn't even know where to begin to try to find his way out of this mess. But up ahead, he saw hope:

On the front porch of this old gas station sat four old men. The traveler pulled in and got out of his car. These men would help him find his way. "You lost?" one of the men asked as he approached. "I'm trying to get to the highway." "Oh. You're way off track." One of the men began giving directions and our young traveler tried to listen. But a sound distracted him. A barely perceptible high-pitched noise.

He looked around and saw a sad dog lying next to one of the men.

"Here buddy," the traveler said and the dog rose and laboriously made his way over to him. As he petted the animal, he noticed the dog no longer whimpered. Eventually the dog grew bored with the stranger's gentle touch and returned to his original spot. After walking in circles for a half a minute or so, he plopped down in the exact same place he'd occupied before. And promptly resumed whimpering. Finally, the traveler had to know. "What's the matter with your dog?" he asked the man who was sitting in the rocker closest to the dog.

The man looked down as if just noticing the dog for the first time. "Oh, that's Buster. He's lying on an old rusty nail." The man was confused. If the dog was in pain, why did he continue to stay on the nail? And why had he gotten up, only to return to the same spot which was hurting him? "Why doesn't he move?" the traveler finally asked the old guy. The old guy shrugged. "Guess it doesn't hurt bad enough yet."

Someone told me this old story years ago, when I was going through a difficult time. I heard her message loud and clear but I still chose to stay in my situation. I stayed until I could take no more. But it was long past the point when the whimpering had begun. Long past knowing that even though I hated to lose someone that meant that much to me, it was better to cut ties than to keep hurting. But I chose to keep hurting...

Just how badly does it have to hurt before you finally get off that old rusty nail?

Is it cheating????

Infidelity. Such a simple word with a very complex meaning. But often it's not as much about cheating as mistrust. The betrayal that comes with an affair can shatter a relationship, and the parties involved, forever.

What constitutes cheating? The answer is, there's no definitive answer. Each person views it differently. Most people agree that erotic physical contact with a party outside of the relationship is cheating. Beyond that, it's all relative.

In an open marriage, even sex with an outsider is okay...as long as open communication is maintained between the couple. It works for those in the relationship because, bizarre as it may sound, trust is maintained. Sure, they go outside the marriage for sex, but the spouses show loyalty to each other by being open and honest about it.

Keeping all that in mind, let's look at three scenarios. You help me decide...what is cheating?

1. Look But Don't Touch.
Emotional affairs are at an all-time high in this country. It starts as a friendship, maybe even a work relationship. Certainly, having a friendship with a man is acceptable. Having feelings for a man (or woman) while committed to someone is a different story. The true test here is, once again, trust. Are you feeling the need to hide things from your husband or boyfriend? Are you fantasizing about this other man, looking forward to seeing him every day? Are you sharing intimate secrets that should be only communicated to the person you've committed to?
You could fall in love with a man outside your relationship without ever touching. Is it a violation? I guess the answer to that lies in how you would feel if your man fell in love with another woman. Would it matter if any touching had occurred?

2. The Ex Factor.
You broke up for a reason and you should be glad for it. Otherwise you would have never met your current love. But for some reason you want to stay in touch with your ex. Okay...but first you should ask yourself why. Why is it so important for you to contact him?
The most important question is, how does your ex feel about it? You must honor your current relationship, first and foremost. If the new man in your life wants you to toss the ex to the curb, by all means do so. It's just disrespectful not to.

And it's certainly disrespectful for you to stay in touch with the ex and not let your current lover know about it. Remember, it's all about honesty and trust. Even if you're only talking to your ex, the new man deserves to know about it. Otherwise...if you have nothing to hide, why are you hiding it?

3. It's only in your head.
Is it cheating to fantasize about someone else? If so, infidelity statistics would be through the roof...because almost everyone does it. The thing is, most of us would like to pretend it doesn't happen, not to the person we're in a relationship with.

It's human nature to admire beauty. We see it in everything around us, including members of the opposite sex. But it's one thing to look at something and another to dream about playing with it. Touching it. Making it your own...if for only a night. And if you're fantasizing about someone else while you're having sex with your lover or spouse, well, let's just say that's one tidbit you ought to keep to yourself. Because if your lover ever found out, there would be hell to pay.

So...what is your definition of cheating? Which of the above would be crossing the line for you? Would you be comfortable with your spouse flirting with a co-worker? Having lunch with an ex? Fantasizing about someone else? Would you do any of those things?

Online Dating...

I've done a lot of online dating. Whatever you want to say about it, it's a great way to get out there and meet a wide variety of people. Even if it doesn't bring you to Mr. Right, it can help you narrow down what you don't want in a man.

It can also help you spot, right away, Mr. Fixer-Upper. Mr. Fixer-Upper comes from an interesting breed of male. (And yes, there are Ms. Fixer-Uppers too.) Mr. Fixer-Upper should NOT be dating. He's clearly not ready to get back out there again, but instead of investing in a therapist, as he should be doing, he is out there dating. And every female he meets takes on the role of shrink in his life.

If you're online dating, usually it rears its ugly head in that first phone call. I once was having my first ever conversation with a guy who appeared normal in his pictures. And he was normal, just...broken. He began to tell me, without my asking, that his wife had left him for another man and taken his two kids...over a year ago. Within three months of that, he met a woman through an online dating site who worked out well, for a while, until one day when she flew to Atlanta to meet with an ex-boyfriend. She proceeded to fly back and forth to Atlanta for months, very openly cheating on this guy. He asked her to stop but she refused and after months of letting her cheat on him, he finally "had to put his foot down."

I had to put my foot down. I avoided the guy like the plague. Then there was the guy who talked about his ex for 45 minutes before I finally said, "I'm going to say something in an effort to help you out." I told him, point blank, that he'd discussed his ex for 45 minutes in a bitter, nasty tone. He needed to take some time to work through all of that BEFORE he dated again, to which he spent another half an hour or so trying to convince me he WAS over the "psycho bitch." Yeah.
I ended up deciding, through that, that it didn't pay to try to help these guys. All you could do was get out of the conversation as quickly as possible and turn your phone off for the next few days until they got the message.

Mean? Maybe. But try being up front and honest with Mr. Fixer-Upper and see what happens. He then feels the need to convince his pseudo-psychiatrist that he is, indeed, quite sane. And his insecurity leads him to convince and convince and convince and convince until you are exhausted. Do they see it? Are they completely blind to it? As a rule of thumb, it's best never to utter the words "psycho bitch" in regards to your ex...especially on a first date. It just makes you look like the psycho one. If you're constantly having first dates, only to find the other women never return your call again, from my personal experience you need to ask yourself two things:Are the photos in your online dating profile accurate?

How much of your first date conversation is about your ex?(Unless the answer to number two is "zero," you might want to work on that.)And if YOU, in the course of dating, ever find yourself in the position of shrink, it's best to get out now. Look for someone who has already been preshrunk.

FIGHT TO THE FINISH .....

"Never go to bed angry," many wise men (and women) have said. "Don't let the sun set on an argument." "Always make sure you say 'I love you' before you go to sleep at night." There are simple, logical reasons for that advice. A couple of weeks ago, TV spokesman Billy Mays went to bed and never woke up. He was 50 years old.

His wife discovered him dead upon waking the next morning. The story haunted me from the moment I heard it...one, because 50 just isn't all that old. It's 9 years older than my brother.....8 years younger than my mother. It could happen to any of us. Depressing, I know. Think of all of the times in your life you've gone to bed angry with someone. Or have hung up the phone, furious, without saying you love each other. Think of the times one of you stormed out of the house and got behind the wheel. What would have happened if your loved one had been taken from you? How devastated would you have been to know the last words you spoke to that person were spoken in anger?

Some people have to go away from an argument and cool down, coming back later to deal with it. Sometimes those people never even deal with the problem. They just assume their "cooling off" period resolved the issue. Meanwhile, the other person's resentment continues to build and build and build... I'm someone who drives the person I'm with crazy. A friend once told me I'm a "resolutionist." I cannot rest until an issue is at rest.

People like me always, inevitably, end up with the type of person who runs away from a fight. And people like me ALWAYS drive those people absolutely crazy. "Why can't you just give me an hour or two to calm down?" those people will ask. Because by the time that person has calmed down and come back to you again, inevitably he or she will want to talk about anything but the issue at hand. But guess what? You can bury issues but they're still there. Beneath that big, cozy rug over there. And resolutionists know it's there. It's that dirt that makes your relationship stink to high heaven.

On the flip side, though, are those like me who have to analyze everything to death. Everything has a reason, usually embedded in past relationships or even childhood hurts. Some people just get tired of psychoanalyzing everything to death. They just want to take a pill and go to bed, for God's sake, but she will not. Stop. Talking. Somewhere between these two extremes, there's a compromise. A middle ground. Maybe the key is for both of you to meet somewhere in the middle. Agree to go away but only IF you'll discuss (in moderation) the issue at hand once you've both cooled down.

Or maybe sometimes the analytical type just needs to accept that not everything has a solution. Not everything can be "fixed." So...which are you? In a fight do you have to go away? Or do you like to fight to the finish?

I'm getting old......

All of your life you seek out that perfect body. Some are lucky enough to have it from a young age and keep it into adulthood. Some of those people even are able to eat whatever they want without ever gaining a pound.

Must be nice.

But eventually, time catches up with all of us. Whether you had to fight every step of the way to maintain your figure...

...or it all came naturally, at some point gravity is going to take over. Things that were once perky will begin to sag. Skin that once had elasticity will begin to droop. And that muscle mass that was always taut and toned without an ounce of effort on your part will begin to atrophy. For many women, they will simply accept their fate. They make plenty of clothes to cover all the saggy parts and, besides, there's more to life than how one looks. Others will fight it every step of the way. Case in point...Holly Hunter:

Holly is 51. FIF. TY. ONE. And I'm not going to even lie to you. The woman looks awesome. One look at her and you KNOW that woman puts some major time into looking that good, though. She has to. She works in a business where the roles would have already dried up for her if she didn't. But even at that, I've heard people make wisecracks about her trying to look 25. Not long ago I was watching a movie with Cary Grant's ex-wife, Dyan Cannon. 71. Okay, the movie was made more than ten years ago, when she was in her early 60s. She was on a cruise ship with other senior citizens, making her the resident hottie. Throughout the movie she wore long sleeves and tons of makeup and unless you really THOUGHT about it, you didn't really think of her as a 60-something woman trying to look 20.

In fact, betcha 10 years ago I wouldn't have thought about it at all. But lately, I've been thinking about it a lot. We go to Wal-Mart on a hot weekend afternoon and I'm looking around at all the 150-pound 15-year-olds in tank tops and short-shorts. Sure they might not fit into those clothes as well as some other girls, but they, for the most part, have firm skin and muscle tone. They don't look nearly as bad in those tank tops as they will at the same weight when they are 50. To every thing, there is a season.

There's a season to wear sleeveless dresses...

And a season to cover those darn bat wings UP:

When your season has come and gone, you have two choices. You can spend four hours a day in the gym fighting it with everything you have...or you can just buy some clothes with sleeves on them. They make them, you know.

Life's Obstacles

When I think of the past year of my life, I often think of the saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade," because, frankly, life has given me more than my fair share of lemons, but I have learned how to make lemon drops! I'm sure I have groves of lemon trees and brought allot of it on myself. Those of you who know me well in real life have heard me say that I have felt like I was rowing a tanker with a toothpick for the past year.

I knew I had to keep rowing even though I felt like the tanker was going nowhere. If I stopped rowing I would sink. So row I did.Slowly I started noticing progress, but I had so many miles to go. The journey was costly, frustrating, tiring, and full of some of the most difficult challenges I have ever faced in my life.But I want to tell you something. You have to keep rowing, and you have to believe you are moving forward even when it doesn't feel like you're making any progress.I am so close to the end of this journey.

I can see the port in the distance. Somehow I survived some life experiences that would have crushed most people. My friends often tell me they can't believe how strong I am, how I persevere, and how I somehow remain optimistic. I am an over achiever and very competitive with myself. Failure is not an option when so much life is at stake, but sometimes things just don’t work out.

You can't make someone love you but somehow I feel like a superhero that has spent the year in some alternate universe slaying dragons, demons, and all of my self made arch nemeses. I've been battered and battle weary, but I came out a stronger, more confident person.The obstacles, the economy, and my breakups forced me to change my perspective on almost everything in my life. You appreciate life so much more when you've been down to the very bottom and had to fight your way back up to the light. You really do.

Julie row the boat ashore.......

A guy friend of mine asked me the other day, "why do women react to some cheating worse than others?"

After asking a few questions for clarity on the question, I responded like this:
First of all, there are degrees of cheating. Every woman is different, so this is a discussion to be had between partners, ya dig? Some women are so sensitive, that if you even LOOK at another woman, they feel disrespected and cheated on. On the other end of the spectrum, you have some women that expect a certain level of cheating, and can handle their man having sex with a random woman or women if it's only a one-night stand, but have problems with their man actually "dating" or spending time with another woman. There all kinds of variations in the middle of that spectrum. Some of you will refer to swinging, or partner swapping, which is a whole other topic.

For most women, the emotional distress is the biggest issue. Most women have trouble with thinking about their men sleeping with another woman. However, if a woman is otherwise happy with the relationship, there is a great possibility that she can and will get over a one-time thing. However, when a woman enters into a committed relationship with a man, she envisions (and expects) that she is the ONLY one. Any destruction of that perception will scar the relationship. But there are several things that complicate the situation.

The cardinal sins of cheating are as follows:

• Never cheat with a known associate of your partner (i.e., friend, family member, co-worker, neighbor, arch enemy (lol), etc.)

• All extra-curricular whores should be treated as such (i.e., you should not feed, clothe, shelter, transport, "sponsor", or impregnate any such woman or her associates – including children)

• Never discuss your woman with any other woman that is not blood related

• Do not expose your family (especially your children) to extra-curricular whores

• Never have unprotected sex with any woman that is not yours

• Avoid oral contact (especially kissing)

• No gifts should be exchanged unless they can be shared with your No. 1…lol (It's pimpin', pimpin…lol)

• Never perform extraordinary sexual acts outside of your relationship unless they have been banned from your current relationship.

• No traveling with women who are not blood related

• Dating should be at a minimum, but she should pay and there should be no PDA and public appearances should be far away from your norm, and nowhere you have ever been with your woman

• Make sure that your No. 1 is taken care of physically and emotionally (otherwise she'll be looking for whatever clues u leave behind)

These are a few basics. I understand that to most men, these rules sound ridiculous when you put them all together. But that's why your women get all pissed off and wanna fight and leave u when u get caught. lol…. If you follow the rules, things will be a lot easier and much more forgivable. If you can't follow these rules when you're cheating, then you're not one of those rare guys that should be allowed to cheat. When these rules are followed, most men get a slap on the wrist if and when they get caught.

Why Do We Allow Fear To Control Us?

Staring at a picture I have stored away, they seem so perfectly happy, so in love. Niagra Falls. An embrace. He's kissing her hair, smiling for the camera. She's snuggled against his chest, tightly held in his arms. But thats not me. I'm not in the embrace- the man I once loved is holding someone else. I was unknowingly left behind. Left alone....alone....again.
Facing a future by myself, I wonder if I'll find love again. Wondering if I'll ever experience that magic again. My worst fear- to never share my life with someone, to carry on alone, to never find that amazing depth of love I once knew.Meh, f*** it. I could go on and write another 'tragic soul' blog, share my torment of being left alone, broken hearted once again, trapped in the paralytic fear that I will be alone forever. But I'd be lying. I have a choice.

CHOICE

CHOICE

CHOICE

I can allow the fear to control me, to allow me to walk around life broken and shattered or I can try and control the fear itself, to control the fear of the unknown, the fear of the future, the fear of me.Why do we allow fear to control us? To hold us back, to allow ourselves to settle for less than what and who we should be? I find myself doing it time and time again- fear of risk, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of the future. There are legitimate fears, our children, the economy, our jobs. We as a species were inbred with fear for survival, to flee from predators and forces of nature. So why don't we use it the way it was intended instead of allowing it to defeat us? Where did we go wrong on this?And I get scary closet monsters and ghosts.

I've been known to run in my dark bedroom and jump on my bed so the monster doesn't grab my ankle from underneath. And I'm 46. I sleep with the lights on when I watch Ghost Hunters or A Haunting. But why do I allow myself to be afraid to take a risk? To do something different that would change my world? To be alone? I've grown accustom to my safe world, I know where everything is, I have order. To reach beyond that might shake things loose, I might experience change, and I could even be better for it. And yet, I'm afraid to step outside my box.
My fear of being alone has forced me to stay in bad relationships, I was afraid to get out when I should have. I suffered and settled for less than I deserved because 'alone' was so much scarier than the bad reality I lived in. But was it really? That I wasted time being miserable for something that may or may not ever happen? For something that was pure speculation?
Now that I have been alone for awhile, looking back I realize how foolish I was. Sure, I prefer being in a relationship, being part of something bigger than myself, belonging to someone. But until that happens, I've made the choice to be happy. To do the things I've always dreamed of, to take as much risk as I can handle, to reach outside of my box. I've been hiking, traveling to places I've never been, to do things I've always wanted to try. Do I get lonely sometimes? Abso-f**ing-lutely, but I don't allow it to hold me back.

I have a choice to stay home on Valentine's Day crying to romantic movies or to go out and have fun with friends. I have the choice to wallow in my loneliness or go out and meet new people, even internet dating (there's a blog in itself). I have the choice to stay home a tortured soul or to go out and explore- even all by myself- and figure out the world. I've discovered that I can't rely on someone else to make me happy, it's an inside job. I can't worry about the future and being alone.

I'm alone right now, this minute. It's here...and it isn't bad at all.

We seem to have a little bit of a discrepancy in marriage and infidelity statistics. It's something that's bothered me for a while so I'm just going to put it out there. Statistics show roughly half of all married men cheat. 45 percent to 55 percent of all married women cheat. That's half. And, chances are, it's not the SAME half. In other words, the men who are cheating do not just so happen to be married to the women who are cheating.

On top of that, HALF of all marriages end in divorce. And any of us who has ever had a friend who was "the other woman" knows unfaithful men NEVER leave their wives. So...if half of all marriages end in divorce but the 50 percent who cheat never leave their wives, does that mean that the 50 percent who stay married are the ones cheating? So if you don't cheat, you divorce? It's one or the other? Or maybe it's just that statistics are a bunch of crap.

I look around and think about all the married people I know. No way are half of them cheating or being cheated on. No way. Okay, maybe I'm naive. What I noticed, though, is all over the Internet you see sources dropping this 50 percent statistic but not a single site I found actually said where this information came from. How do they KNOW these people are cheating? Did they install hidden cameras at their workplaces? Have they bugged everyone's phones? Are they just GUESSING?

No one has ever asked me about my fidelity or lack thereof. Not in an official capacity anyway. Has anyone ever asked you? Is that one of the questions the Census-takers ask? I don't recall that one. If you poll marital therapists on how many of their clients are cheating, you'll probably get an answer of "about half." That's why they're in therapy, fool. Tell the woman who is madly in love with her married boss that half of all marriages end in divorce. She'll tell you she WISHED that were true. She's waiting around for the day her boss's marriage fails. Maybe she'll get involved with him, maybe she'll just crush on him for thirty years, but chances are, he ain't leavin' that wife. Yes, infidelity causes divorce.

Supposedly a third of all divorces are due to infidelity. But what most of these mistresses don't realize is that even IF these men divorce their wives, they rarely marry the mistress. Only three percent do, according to statistics. And IF they marry the other woman, the likelihood of divorce hovers somewhere around 75 percent. Why? I think we all know the answer to that one. Let's all say it together:

IF HE CHEATS WITH YOU, HE'LL CHEAT ON YOU.

Statistics or not, we probably all could have told these women that a relationship like this is doomed in the first place. It would take a pretty secure woman to marry a man she'd known was cheating before and not be paranoid about his every move. And, as we all know, secure women don't engage in affairs with married men. I don't need to do a survey to know that much.

What's the percentage of cheating men who claim their wives don't understand them? They haven't had sex in eleven years? They never really loved her...just married her for convenience? Pretty high, I'd say. Statistics are only as good as their sources...yet people take them as fact. Everyone spouts off the, "Half of all men cheat" statistic but if you ask what the source of that statistic is, they'll likely say, "I don't know. I just heard it somewhere." In fact, MOST of this statistic-spouting starts with the same two words: "THEY say." Who are THEY? I think it's time to ask. Because it seems most of the time when you put all the statistics together in one place, they don't add up.

When Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) was a baby, her father, Eddie Fisher, left her mother, Debbie Reynolds for Elizabeth Taylor:

A few years after they married, Taylor dumped Fisher. He mourned the loss of his Elizabeth and still, according to his daughter, thinks of her as the "Great love of his life."

In a cruel twist of irony, Elizabeth thinks of him as a "mistake."

This blog isn't about the romantic escapades of Hollywood. It's about the irony of one person pining away for someone who spends the rest of her life regretting the time she spent with that person. If I, personally, knew someone thought of me as a mistake, you can bet your butt I'd be rethinking how I remembered him.

But then, I don't spend my life pining over someone from my past.

In the movie Adaptation, a character said something that struck me as particularly profound. I've searched for the quote since and can't find it, but in essence, the character was speaking of a girl he loved in high school who basically thought of him as a joke. Someone asked if that bothered him and he said no. That was HIS love, he said. HIS happiness. No one could take that away from him.

Is it pride? Maybe. I just have never been much for unrequited love. Sure, in high school I had my fair share of crushes on boys who barely knew I existed. Nor did they care. I had fun while it lasted but you can bet, once I finally opened my eyes and realized I was nothing more to them than a nuisance, I high-tailed my behind out of there.

All the time I see men pining over someone from years ago. The "one that got away." It's clear, when you talk to these guys, that the object of their affections has moved on. In most cases she's married, had a kid or two, and isn't giving him a second thought. If she is, it's certainly not to wax poetic about what "might have been."

I'm picking on men when it's all too true that a woman could fall into the same trap. Remembering that high school crush or that ex-husband she lost. Is it wrong for someone to spend so much time and energy on someone who either thinks of you as a mistake or doesn't think of you at all?

Or is it as the character in Adaptation said? It's your love. YOUR happiness. No one can take it away from you.

"You are what you love, not what loves you." -Adaptation

Regrets
♥♥♥ I often hear things like, "never regret anything, cause at one point, it is what you wanted." or ''life is too precious to have regrets." And so on. These type of sayings are everywhere. And we think, yeah, that is so true. I shouldn't regret things. And we feel a little more secure...... for a while.

I don't believe we shouldn't have regrets. While the very ''thing'' we are regretting, may, infact have been what we wanted at the time, does not mean what we wanted was right for us. To be human is to err. I am sure you have heard that saying. To me, saying we shouldn't have regrets, is like saying, don't ever think you were wrong.

If a man rapes and kills a woman, should he not regret it? It's ok, cause he wanted it? But it's not the same, right? Not the same as getting drunk last night, and making out with that guy, oh what's his name. No, it is not the same thing. Different subjects. But all in all, a regret.

It's all in how you deal with regret. Now, if you linger, and hold on to it, yeah, we got a problem there. But, regretting something, learning from it, and moving on, that is the proper way to regret. Maybe the situation will arise again. And you will remember how you felt. You will feel remorse, and remember the lesson learned. Your regret just may save you from making the mistake again.

So I say, life is too short, NOT to regret. Just do it wisely. ♥♥♥

Your ex's wedding pictures

At one time we lived in a much simpler world. You met someone, fell in love, and when it didn't work out you parted ways...never to see each other again. Then came the age of the Internet. MySpace. Facebook. Classmates.com.

With just a click of your mouse you can get up-to-date photos and information on every ex you've ever had. Why would you do that? I have a simple answer... Because you can. Life goes on. You meet someone else, fall deeply in love, and end up glad it didn't work out with the other person. That STILL doesn't change that weird, creepy feeling you get when you're gazing upon the wedding photo of someone you once thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. What is that? It's not that you still care for the person.

But in that very first moment as you look at that person you once loved, you become all too aware that life goes on without you. Yes, that person got over you. That person fell in love again too and YES, that person is probably just as glad as you are that it didn't work out. But...that's not the way it's supposed to happen. This is YOUR show. You're the star of it. When someone steps off your stage, he's supposed to vanish from existence. That was the way it worked in the days before the Internet, after all. People don't GET OVER us. They spend the rest of their lives devastated that the most incredible person they ever met is no longer with them. Right?

Think about it. Back in the 80s the only way your high school sweetheart would know what happened to you after high school graduation was if you somehow became a celebrity. Wrote a best-selling novel, became a movie star or famous musician... That sort of thing. We didn't even have reality TV back then. Unless you both lived in a small town and STAYED there, your ex left your life and simply...vanished. That was probably for the best. But now, thanks to the Internet, anyone can be a star. Okay, maybe not a star, but certainly FINDABLE.

Heck, if you get married your photographer will probably put your photos out there for all the world to see. One day that ex of yours will do a Google search and find himself face to face with YOU...standing next to someone else. And he'll feel like he's looking at something he was never, EVER, supposed to see. Some people (ahem) put their entire lives out there for everyone to look at. Yeah, anyone who wants to find out what's going on in my life needs only to click on over to my MySpace and there it all is. Maybe that's easier.

Just read the blog and follow along. We all assume our exes won't care anymore than we care but you know they have to feel the same way we do about it. She didn't spend the rest of her life mourning me? I'm over her but she was never supposed to get over ME. Wait...the world DOES revolve around each of us, right?

Revenge is one of the deadliest things on Earth. Few people stop to realize this, and end up shooting themselves in the foot over and over again throughoo you, either directly or indirectly, that you didn't like. So you start scheming, thinking of wut life. The most common and obvious reason is anger. Anger because someone did something tays to get back at them, hurt them or destroy them, be it mentally, verbally, phsyically, or otherwise.

But what people don't realize is that revenge is a useless and futile expense of energy. More often than not, revenge only destroys yourself. Doing harm to others does more harm to you than them. Especially if it is unwarranted. All it really does is cause people who may have had sympathy or understanding for you think of you as petty and immature.

Take my ex's affair, for example. The girl he cheated on me with became an obsession of mine for like a month. I hated her. With every ounce of my being I hated her. I wanted to do all sorts of bad things to her, make her pay for what she did to me. Make her feel the pain that I was feeling. But you know what? I never did. And I was the bigger person for it. Instead of showing people that I was revengeful, no matter how justified, I showed people that I can handle myself with respect and maturity. It wasn't about her.

It was about me, taking everything I had, the strength of 1,000 armies and taking all that pain and aggression and anger and churning it out into writing, poetry, living breathing words flickering across the screen. Pain became art, beautiful pieces of art that became the center piece for my blogging, which now has turned into a different vein. (FTR my entire belief system is different now, and because of her, I am able to see things a lot more clearly, and my life is better for it. If I ever run into her, now my plan is to actually thank her. )

But either way, rather than lose the respect of those around me, I gained even more people's respect by taking something broken and making it beautiful. As for others, well I wish I could say the same for them. I sit back and watch people every day, good people, completely ruin themselves with bitterness, jealousy, anger and revenge. Spiteful feelings are like poison to a person's brain and aura. Take a person who has a lot going for them and add some bitterness, jealousy and spitefulness to them and they will always self-destruct. ALWAYS. If more people would focus on their own shit rather than spending all of their time and energy trying to get revenge on others the world would have a lot more successes in it rather than failures.If you don't like the way things are going, change them.

But change YOUR part. Stop trying to bring others down for your own personal gain. Because at some point or another, when everyone else has left the building, the only person left to carry the blame will be YOU.

Trust no one. I've been on this planet for a while now... but I really do swear... I feel like I am on Mars sometimes. Sometimes you think you have it all figure out... and thats when you realize... you don't know anything at all.

Sometimes... you lay your very essence in the hands of someone else... and they take one look at it... and throw it on the ground without even realizing what it took you to create it. At what point do I realize that the gift I have is just that... a gift. Who I am ... and the woman I have become truly is a gift to give. I know I have my character flaws... but dammit I work hard, I am trying to live my life the best I can. I don't always think before I chose... but the choices I do make are always with the best interests of people.. I am that ride or die type chick. You need a definition of that? When I am involved with someone... I will do anything ... ANYTHING ... to provide.

I will make sure without a doubt... that business is taken care of at home. Ask around... I have witnesses. ;) But the only thing I want to know... is when is it my turn? When do I get to experience someone who would give me their last? Because to tell you the truth... I honestly do not believe... that exists anymore. Why is it so easy for me to give? and so easy for others to take? but so HARD for others to give?I really do try to give freely without expecting anything in return... but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with the tasks I have chosen to involve myself with. I'm just sayin... at somepoint in my life... it would be nice to have a "partner". Not just someone I take care of.

Someone that is 100/100 ... not 75/25. Someone who realizes... what I have to offer is enough and doesn't continue to search elsewhere. Someone who doesn't walk all over my generosity. Someone I could trust with my life. Maybe I've had my head in the clouds too long. Maybe it's just time to put my feet back on the ground and realize... someone like that... is just a fantasy. Maybe I can close my eyes one last time... and dream... before I have to accept reality. Because when I wake up... I'm in a world where trust doesn't grow on trees. Hell it doesn't grow anywhere. The very people you thought would catch you when you fell... walk away laughin while you are on the ground with scraped up knees and a bruise on your ass. But hey... it is what it is right?

Thank u for hurting me!!

Why is it that when you have your heart broken you realize that you lost part of yourself somewhere along the way to falling in love? Why do I always cater myself to the guy that I'm dating, tone down the makeup, grow my hair out, change the way I dress? I mean what is so special about him that I need to change for him? Everyday that we were together I got pulled away from the woman that I am a little more. I know that God puts people in our lives for a reason, this one I think was to help me grow as an adult.

Deep down I knew it wasn't gonna last but I was kind of hoping that it would. I guess I really enjoyed the thought of a future with someone...too bad he didn't feel the same. I am right, we are just way too different. He had NO EMOTION AT ALL! and I had too much. If I'm going to be with somebody they need to understand that I'm an emotional woman and I'm outgoing and totally crazy and nerdy!

I absolutely wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm proud of the woman that I've grown into thanks to my wonderful mom.. So as one of the best songs ever says "Take me for what I am who I was meant to be and if you give a damn

TAKE ME BABY OR LEAVE ME!"

Ever meet a guy and wonder if he's all about you or if he's just trying to "get some"? Most of the time when you find your "physical preference", you really want to believe that the person is being sincere; you’re more willing to accept BS from them, but then you find yourself getting played. Guys always reveal themselves, even in the 1st encounter, and there are 3 things you should always pay attention to: His approach, his body language, and his conversation.The first one is really simple…

His approach. If the first thing that comes out of his mouth is something sexual, i.e "damn ma, you sexy as hell, what's your name?", then he’s all about gettin’ in your britches, and you should turn away quickly. If he sends his friend over to get your attention he can’t be serious about you. No man should ever do that, he should get his own ass up. Now I gotta say this, most men won't approach a woman in packs and will do this for that reason, but I'm tellin' you, the BEST thing a man can do is approach a women when she's surrounded by lots of friends; why? Because if her friends like him, he's almost sure to win her over, lol.

If he approaches you with a pick up line or something that sounds like it was rehearsed in the bathroom, then he’s all about the booty. A man who is sincere would not approach you with a line that can randomly pertain to anybody. Now don’t get me wrong, some guys are just silly and do it for that very reason… Understandable, but where it goes from there depends on the next two things.The next one is not so simple, only because some women love to run their mouths, so they don’t quite pay attention to his body language… Plus they love flattery, and a lot of the body language plays right into that. Like when he looks you up and down…

That can be very flattering to a woman, and that’s fine, but if he is CONSTANTLY looking you up and down, it’s not hard to tell what he’s thinking about. And if you STILL find it flattering, then you deserve what you got coming. Licking his lips or showing his tongue is sign of a sleeze. If he’s not making eye contact or he’s constantly looking around, he’s not that interested in you or anything you have to say, but he sticks around because he wants to "get some". If he pauses in the middle of a sentence to think, he’s holding back information, as to not incriminate himself. If he touches his face or scratches his head, he’s either lying or unsure of himself. If he is constantly trying to touch you anywhere AT ALL…

Doesn’t matter if its your hands, arms, or whatever, his intentions are purely sexual. If he is really serious about getting to know you, he wouldn’t risk running you off by being too touchy-feely. It’s a technique to see just how far you’ll let him go… Which he hopes will lead to the bedroom. If he is dangling his keys, fiddling with his jewelry, or constantly adjusting his clothes, it is a sure sign of a selfish man. If he's into you or your conversation, why would he be fiddling with anything? Cause he's bored and not interested maybe? People who touch themselves alot is usually a sign that a person is possesive and are full of themselves. Think of a guy who curesses his face or rubs his hair when you tell him how good he looks, or the kind who likes to grab his crouch or flex... He's saying "me, me, me".Conversation is also an easy one to pick up but often ignored by the female species.

If he is constantly giving you compliments on your physical attributes, or compliments the same thing more than once, he’s telling you he wants to have sex. If the conversation leads to sex… Well, isn’t it obvious? Sex should never be a subject during the meeting stage. If he’s going on and on about himself he’s not concerned about you, he’s just trying to sell himself so he can get some. If you are constantly leading the conversation, he’s not that interested in you. Why is he still standing there, you ask? He’s waiting for you to shut up so he can ask you for your phone number and try and get some. Even if he is generally quiet he'll lead at some points if he's interested enough. If he asks you about ex-boyfriends, exhusbands, or brings up his ex-girlfriends, he’s playing the sympathy card. It’s the oldest trick in the book, sympathy ALWAYS wins with females and has an almost guaranteed hit rate.

The only thing that would ruin it for him is if he says something stupid. There is no reason to bring up ex’s when you first meet someone because it’s supposed to be about you and him. Anything else is just a distraction from the real agenda.A little off the subject but also something you might look for: some men who wear a lot of exceedingly flashy or "busy" clothing, for example, coats with "Gucci" symbols ALL over it or name brands that pop out at you excessively, multiple colors or loud colors, large jewelry, etc, etc, in most cases these men are attention hores, which is almost a sure sign of a person who's just out to get his. Again, it screams "me, me, me". Style is a tricky subject and is often misinterpreted so you have to be careful not to judge someone on style alone...

But the choice in style says a lot about a person.Whether or not a man is serious or is just trying to get into your pants is not limited to the things discussed here and at any time, it is possible to misinterpret these things as well, but let me make one thing clear… MEN ARE NOT COMPLICATED!! You may think so, but all you’d have to do is pay attention to them. You’d be amazed at just how much bullcrap you’ll let slip past you when you’re really attracted to someone but let some ol’ scrub lookin’ dude step to you like that and you’ll notice every bit of BS comin’ out of him. If you shove some s*** into a jewel glass case, does that make it anymore valuable than plain s***?

That’s my 2 cents…

I've had a few serious relationships in my time. I've heard more than a few stories about that girl he used to date. Without going into specifics, they cover several different areas.She was too much of a freak in bed.She used him for his money, getting him to finance everything, then dumped him.She was a psycho bitch. (This is pretty much the standard.)Before you men come forward and say this...I'm going to state that this blog can go for both sexes and be done with it. But today, we're going to pick a side and stick with it. Because that's how I roll.

Women, when you start a new relationship and he starts talking about his ex, LISTEN. I know it can get boring...I know you're wondering why doesn't he just get over it already. But, the truth is, there's valuable information in what he's telling you.The guy I dated with the sex-freak ex? A complete prude. Yes, such men exist. He had the sex drive of a fountain pen and over time, that just gets old. Later, looking back, I realized that so-called nymphomaniac was probably just a normal woman, trying to bring some spice into their lackluster sex life.

Of course, then you realize he'll be characterizing YOU as a sex-freak to the next seven women he dates. (Or a psycho, because that is, after all, the standard.)The guy with the money-grubbing ex? A complete and total pushover. I never got past date one with him because it was obvious on the date he had no spine whatsoever. He'd financed this girl completely for a year, only to find out she'd been cheating on him with a guy who wasn't such a pushover. Icky-poo. Grow a pair, dude.Now, about the fact that all their exes are psycho...Hon, trust me on this, you'll be psycho someday too. Because when he suddenly one day decides, after six months of dating and sleeping together, that he's just not going to ever call, speak to, or see you again, you just might do a little something to get his attention.

Like show up at his house unannounced during the big game on Sunday.Only, to the next girl, he'll describe you as, "The girl who just kept stalking me." He'll conveniently leave out the fact that you were stalking him because he declined to let you know it was over and just vanished. Because, we all know, when someone is telling the story of his past relationships, he conveniently omits all guilt on his part.See how it works?It helps if he's bitter about ALL his past relationships, because he'll talk about them exhaustively. And you can start to see a pattern emerge. Guaranteed, if you stay with him long enough, that pattern will start to become all too clear. You'll realize he's a dud in bed. Or that he's an insensitive jerk. You may not make the connection but if you really stop and think, you'll consider all of those other exes he's characterized as freakshows and realize maybe they weren't such freakshows after all. Over time, you even begin to feel a sort of camaraderie with those exes.

They've survived this. You wish you could start a club and commiserate over what a nutjob he is.Of course you don't. Because that would be wrong. At best, what you do is learn from each experience and become more easily able to spot those red flags from the beginning.So, for those of you still single, next time you meet someone you really like, listen when he talks about that ex. Note everything he says and try your best to see it from her perspective. Because if you don't, you'll find out exactly what she found out. And you'll be the psycho he's telling his next girlfriend about.

Marriage is a long time. It is a contract, a commitment, an understanding, a partnership of sorts. Egos have to to be put aside in order for the union or merger to be a success. Unfortunately, statistically speaking, it is subject to fail. It's a coinflip for survival. That doesn't seem so bad when determining who goes first, but in mariage, those numbers are not a good reason to pull the shotgun away from your mouth! Marriage, and this economy has people ready to jump out the window like Ron Brownz! "Why get married then", you say?

I never told you to get married, I just explained to you what marriage is!The biggest question is, "why do people cheat, and are in relationships" Why tell a person you love them, only to have sex with another person later that day. As springtime approaches, and single mothers income tax returns run out, I can't help but notice a disturbing trend today. TOO MANY LOVE SONGS ON THE RADIO! Apparently the most requested songs get played. Ne-Yo, Dream, J.Holiday, Plies, Jamie Foxx, basically anything that involves women being "ride or die chicks", "independent women", or freaky sex havers.

Friends, these are the signs of extremely lonely people! Ask yourself a question. Who would request these types of song day in and day out? Yes, you guessed right. Gay guys who act like girls, and lonely females!Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? I compared women to children in the "turn an inch into a mile" sense. The same thing can be applied to men, BECAUSE THEY CAN, AND YOU AIN'T GONNA DO SHHHHIIIIIIITTTTTT.............YOU AIN'T GONNA DO SSHHHHHIIIIITTTTTTT! If a man goes out, comes in at 5 in the morning, you let it ride..........Oh he's going bonkers with it! That's how men are. Women who cheat do it because the man is either: soft, expendable, has no choice but to take it, homeless, or just a sorry dude. Real men don't get cheated on, sorry. If you are a man who was cheated on, you weren't a man when it happened. If you are single........you are lonely.

If you're in a relationship, but wanna see other people.......you are selfish. Why are you in a relationship if you can't take it seriously? I'm about to blow this thing wide open, and I apologize to the many fellas who may be offended!- Single men are single because they either just got out of a relationship, or are broke. Any man with money or has somewhat of a sucessful polish is a target! You will be hounded relentlessy, and women will try to be with you non-stop. Your ego will grow each time some lying freak tells you she misses you or some other freaky stuff I will not type. Then you allow yourself to fall for her clutches. Because you have some polish, everyone is still trying to get at you, and since your ego is out of control.........you just keep going.........then you get laid off! Suddenly, she says "needs time to find herself, and concentrate on school", so you single again!- You out at a bar or club, and you meet a chick who is lonely errr single.

You ain't got shit.......but you look good........and she got her own whip, place, and a great job.........ladies, do I really need to continue? LOL! Well, her money turns into y'all money, and you out trickin her money on chicks you weren't able to pull 6 months ago! C'mone man! I'm just saying!STOP WASTING EACH OTHER'S TIME! I get that there are lonely people in the world, but any person who cheats on you doesn't respect you, and respect and love go hand in hand. You give respect to your woman by respecting her concerns or issues no matter how fucking stupid it sounds to you at the time. You respect your man by not undermining him, or driving him away. He doesn't have to cheat to be driven away.

You need communication, so there isn't any funny business. Miscommunication plays a big part in infidelity. The ultimate reason for cheating unfortunately is people just want their cake, and to smash it too. Look, if getting it in is your thing, do you. Don't be selfish, and make someone yours because you don't want no one else to have them, or you're an insecusre loser! Love yours! Take care of yours, and communicate! Or you can keep going to the bar, getting with said person, sleep with them, they eat up your food, then call they baby mama, or daddy to come pick them up from your house! If that's being single, you can have it!!!!

Act like a lady, think like a man

Two shows I like to catch Monday through Friday mornings are:The View (main reason being is that the others gang up on the perky blond quite often, and I love watching her get put in her place for thinking she's a know-it-all)and The Ellen Degeneres Show (one of the funniest women alive)I can't help it, I'm that girlie.Not too long ago, Ellen had comedy king Steve Harvey on as a guest to promote his latest endeavor, the number one selling relationship book in the country at the present time:He was even on Oprah for his second go 'round to continue spreading the simplified code to getting how simplistic men really are when it comes to dating the so-called unreadable gender.

Listening to a few examples of his outlook on how women continue to look at men as a rubix cube endeavor when it really is as plain as day, I took off to my local Borders locale and purchased his well reviewed publishing.Wow.I have already for seen men as basic creatures with little mystery, yet a few actions have always left me confused and in the dark...that is until I read Harvey's relationship 'bible' and finally understood. No longer will I be perplexed at any 'man trouble' that floats my way. No longer will the wool be swept over my eyes and be made a fool out of. I've been keeping well standards for some time now, but after reading, my confidence has grown that much stronger.

For those of my female readers who have yet to expose yourself to his fabulous workings, I am more than happy to share with you what I have learned, and what I have always suspected to be true and gained confirmation of. Take each and every note to heart and follow through at all times. For goodness sakes, an honest, straightforward MAN is exposing the 'mystery' that the penis bearing gender have been riding on scape goat for as long as possible, and he opted to call all of them out so each and every woman out there looking for REAL LOVE can stop wasting her time and TRULY succeed in finding something RIGHT. Read on and enjoy!....

1.)Men are driven by 3 things in Life: a)Who He isb)What He Does c) How Much He MakesIf a man is not fulfilling his goals, managing a beneficial career, knowing in complete certainty that he can be an absolute protector and provider to one special lady, there is absolutely no way he can be ready for real commitment. You may be dating him, but progression in the relationship will not successfully occur as long as he has yet to find his place in the world and be happy where he stands.

2) A Man's Love is NOT like a Woman's LoveWomen will pamper and devote all of the affections they can muster for the love in their life to the point of Lifetime Movie credibility. A man just isn't programmed to express his devotions in the same manner no matter how much you try and beat it out of him. If a man truly loves you, he will do 3 things:a) Profess his Love. You will always be introduced as his lady or on official terms as girlfriend/fiance/wife to any and everyone he comes in contact with to let them all know you are his and he is proud. If you're ever introduced as his "friend" or just by your name, let there be no doubt that to him, that is all you really are.b) Provide for you. Once he's professed his devotion, he will step up to the plate and start bringing home the bacon. Nothing is going to stop the man who loves you with everything that he is to ensure that you are taken care of be it financially, physical, mentally, and emotionally.c) Protect You. A man in love will always travel to the ends of the Earth and back in making damn skippy that you are always out of harms path. No venture is asking too much of a man when it comes to the woman his heart resides with.

3.) Men need three basic actions of us to be happy:a) Supportb) Loyaltyc) the Cookie (i.e. Sex)Withhold any of just one of the three and he WILL without a doubt, seek it from someone else, absolutely.

4.) Men see women in two categories: Sports Fish and Keepers.If you're a woman who doesn't have any rules, requirements, respect for herself, or guidelines, men pick up on your scent a mile away (take for instance the commonly seen barely dressed late night bar/club goers whom are more than happy to go home with any man who pays for drinks and ponies up insincere compliments to get in their pants). To him, you will only be seen as a sports fish and can never be more than an easy target so long as you continue down such a destructive path.If you're a woman who has standards/requirements, commands (not demand) respect, and can easily offer up those three necessary terms that men need to stick around, you fall under the Keeper catergory and a smart, REAL man won't let you go.

5) Men cheat for many reasons, but the five that are most commonly the cause:a) They can. They don't view sex the same way us women do in regards to emotional connection. They can honestly Love a woman with all that he is and still be able to separate that bond by sleeping with another whom he has no honest feeling for. If he is missing something and/or not receiving what he needs from you in the relationship that you share, he will cheat only to feel better about himself and collect resolve in the form of infidelity.b) They think they can get away with itHarvey insists that men consider the risks of getting caught by cheating on his lady. But mostly, they initiate affairs/infidelity pretty confident that they're going to get away with it and that even if they do get caught, their denials will see them through. He shares with the reader that men go to great lengths to hide it from us, always with the thought in mind: If you don't know about it, it can't hurt you.

The most interestring tidbit that he shares with this fact is that when getting caught a man will only lie and deny if he cares about his woman. If he doesn't see her fitting into his life plan, he won't even bother with covering his tracks and chitchat after being found out, he'll just simply offer up guilty admittance.This is a big one that I completely agree with seeing as how it has at one time, personally entered my relationship, and I can not emphasis enough to a woman that the moment your suspicions arise that something isn't right between you and your man becuase you believe he may be cheating, go ahead and pull out the sherlock holmes routine until it's confirmed or you're proven wrong. Use your intuition, almost always, it is right. There isn't any reason for you to feel guilty, embarrassed, or ashamed when it comes to finding out the truth if YOU are being a faithful partner.c) He hasn't become who he wants and needs to be or found who he truly wants. If he's lost in the game of Life and/or hasn't found 'the One' he will continuously play the field until he finds his place in the world and the right woman to be at his side.d)What's happening at home isn't "happening" like it used to.

Sure, it's a tall tale women are told again and again that we want to believe is a falsified excuse men use to just run out on us, but it is in every sense of the word true. Once things become so routine and you have no desire to keep the spark going and pursue working at maintaining a happy, ongoing, satisfying sexual relation alive with your man, he will go and seek it from someone who will hands down give it up.and the biggest reason of all...e) There's always a woman out there willing to cheat with him. Think about it. If every woman in the world said "You're married/in a relationship - I can't go there with you", do you know how little and possibly non existent divorce and/or breakups would suffice?

Sure, every now and then, there ARE women who can be fooled and don't know that a man is already spoken for. But Harvey states that the majority of the time, these women that so easily spread themselves around like Country Crock Butter to any man who gives them the time of day knows that they are sleeping with a taken man and go along with it anyway (serious self esteem issues of course).I could go on and on about the many more wonderful splendors I got out of this literary gem, but it's much better when you can read it for yourself. "He's Just not That Into You" brought women the clarity to stop excusing shitty behavior from men and made devoted followers from most if not all of us. With "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", Steve Harvey has gone above and beyond to put it all on the table and empower women to stop accepting and settling with unsuitable behavior of men so that we can truly find REAL happiness.

Kudos to the man bearing fearless Cajones!

Crushes

It all started in sixth grade.There was a boy in my class named Steven I had a crush on. It was my first crush ever. So, of course, being the big-mouth I am, I told my best friend Lisa, who told Lukas... Within a day or so, that boy knew I liked him.Nothing happened.

The pattern repeated in seventh grade, eighth grade, ninth grade... I'd pick out a boy, for whatever reason, and develop a crush. Inevitably, someone around me would find out and she'd tell someone who'd tell someone. It would get back to the boy, who would never speak to me again. You'd think, at some point, I would have figured out my little system wasn't working.Oh, it gets worse. Sometimes I'd DELIBERATELY have someone tell him I liked him. "Do you want me to see if he likes you?" one of my friends would ask. I'd protest at first but eventually, give in. Why did I do this? I have no idea. I think in my adolescent mind, I hated admiring someone from afar. I wanted him to KNOW I existed and once he knew, he'd HAVE to like me. Right?Yeah, right. That's why it never worked.

My other friends didn't do things this way. If they liked a boy, they'd never, EVER want him to know. They'd tell very few people and just admire him quietly. This got them absolutely nowhere. Hey, at least I took a chance.Of course, as you get older, you learn the best way to win a guy you're interested in is to...well...actually TALK to him. Maybe walk up and introduce yourself. Make sure you're in the same place he is at a certain time and "accidentally" bump into him. You could play hard-to-get and just hope he tries to chase. Is it just me, or did anyone else notice that never worked? You were running but he wasn't chasing. Kinda reminds me of the time a friend of mine got mad that some guy she'd gone out with hadn't called. "Well, I'm not speaking to him anymore."Yeah. That'll show him.

Guess what? He's not chasing. So all your running is doing nothing but making you TIRED.The question still remains, what is the best way to get your crush to take notice? Does telling Suzy to tell Bobby to tell Mark to tell him EVER work? Or is it best to just walk right up and introduce yourself?

I was lost, so I turned right. I knew what I was looking for and figured if this wasn't it, I'd know right away. For a while, I seemed to be going the right way. But just as I began feeling secure in reaching my destination, I saw the first sign."Dead End."Hmmm... That can't be good. But the road continued ahead as far as I could see, so I kept going. And there it was again."Dead End."Did I continue on or turn back? Eventually I'd have to turn around anyway, so why keep going? The longer I wait, the harder it will be.All my life, I've been driving around lost.

It started with my first crush in sixth grade and continued into adulthood. I'd find a relationship I wanted to pursue and start down that road, never knowing how far it would take me. Some relationships lasted longer than others but inevitably all of them dead-ended.Sometimes you know on the first date. Sometimes it's much further down that road, maybe even after ignoring several warning signs along the way. Often the most difficult thing in the world is admitting a relationship you've invested yourself in isn't going to work out. But whether you admit it or not, you're going to hit that dead end.I've seen friends heartbroken and confused because a relationship didn't work out.

Everything seemed to be going fine but all of a sudden he changed. She feels deceived. If he knew it wasn't going to last, why did he date her so long? He seemed to be falling in love...was he lying to her all along? Where did things go wrong?It's simple. He met her. He liked her. He continued to get to know her. Since he's not psychic, he couldn't know just how it would end. Maybe at first he was too caught up in his physical attraction to think clearly. Or maybe after spending a few long weekends in her presence, he's come to realize she drives him out of his freakin' mind.Whatever the case, the road will not continue.

He won't move her into his place, won't propose, won't spend the rest of his life with her. For him there's another road -- one he can't pursue until he turns around and hauls ass back to the main intersection. Maybe she'll be hurt in the process but someday she'll look back and realize that dead end was there all along. He just happened to see it before she did.The good news is someday, without warning, you'll turn down one of those roads and it won't dead end. You'll find exactly what you've been looking for. But it will only happen if you keep driving.

Thing Women do NOT Want Men to Know

She wore that low-cut top so you'd notice her chest. You really don't think that short skirt and generous display of cleavage was an accident do you? I mean, a woman would never dare look in a mirror before she left the house. She wants you to gaze upon her breasts like the works of art that they are. So not only is it OK for your eyes to drift down, but it could also be a deal-breaker if they dont. The only thing is: You can never be caught staring. I know women that have "first date" tops, totally revealing, and they make a little game out of watching you try to avoid looking at their boobs. But if you don't get caught taking at least one peek, you could quickly be labeled gay. So remember this. Noticing her breasts: very good. Staring at her breasts: not so good. Actually conducting a conversation with her breasts: bad.

She wants you just as much as you want her. Just because she isn't slowly licking her lips while being mesmerized by the bulge in your pants, it doesn't mean she isn't thinking about treating you like the pizza boy in a bad porno. Because maybe, she is hungry for pizza. Or maybe she's even hungry for you. In fact, if she's just met you or you've been dating for a while, she's usually wondering, "When are we going to stop talking and start getting naked and sweaty? I would really like to work off that pint of Ben and Jerry's I polished off last night." Women are just better at hiding it.

You would be shocked to learn how many of the cute, sweet-looking girls you run into at bars all want to get laid as bad as you do. They can get crazy frustrated when there's too long of a gap in-between sexual encounters just like us. Sometimes women want a man the second they see him. And they can spend massive, unhealthy amounts of time fantasizing about having sex with guys they barely know. Does one of those guys she "barely knows" sound a lot like you? Bingo, dude. When you meet a new woman, assume you're the right guy, but without being cocky. Don't share that clever play on words. Instead, just meet or beat her mild expectations, and you'll be delivering her pizza by midnight.


She masturbated sometime this week. Think you're the only one choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, punching the peacock and making really lame jack-off metaphors? Women give themselves a hand almost as often as guys do, (TIME OUT: Pausing to consider this lovely image) A national survey of 10,000 - 18-35 year-old women revealed that they masturbate once a week or more. Vibrators play their wondrous part, but the typical weapons of choice are fingers and showerheads - specifically showerheads still attached to the plumbing. In fact, a woman may have been pleasuring herself on your subway ride this morning. Many women can do it fully clothed. Crossed legs provide great friction. They can do it on crowded buses, airplanes, and the bikes at the gym. Your best move: Watch densely populated areas for a woman whose eyes are rolling backward. As she starts to scream, introduce yourself, because when she's thinking of sex, you want her to be thinking of you.


She's screwed up when it comes to relationships. Popular thinking says that guys are relationship-challenged, while women are born with a relationship gene (located next to the shopping gene). Nothing could be less true. Except the part about guys. And shopping. Most women are as skeptical about love and as insecure about their intimacy skills as men are. So, YEE-HA! You don't have to be perfect because she's a mess too, right? Well, not exactly...but keep in mind that all women aren't experts at planning couple-ish things, knowing when to say just the right thing, or bringing up the issues. So cut the girls some slack, if things aren't going the way you want them to go, feel free to take the wheel and turn the corner. Then find a dark place to park.

She waxed her bikini line or the whole show before your first date just in case. The rationale? Hey, you never know- this one might sweep me off my feet and into his bed. And she de-fuzzes more than her legs. Chances are, she also cleaned her apartment, changed her sheets, and tucked the economy-sized box of pregnancy tests way in the back of her medicine cabinet. Even if you don't have sex, you may sleep over, so she plans for it. I have one friend that always buys a new container of OJ, eggs, and bacon, just for the potential of the next morning. So guys, check out her sheets, check out her personal grooming, and check her fridge for OJ - he could be in there looking for the REAL killers. If all is in place, she could be planning on having sex with you, or she could be planning on eating breakfast.

She gets off on quickies. Long, languid, lovemaking sessions are all good and fine. But more women than you think crave it fast, furious, and foreplay-less. A lot of women love the feeling of being taken "right now". Throw them on the bed, frantically rip off clothing and give it to her hard. Just not ALL THE TIME. Believe it or not, women get tired of being nibbled on endlessly. She is not a wheel of Brie. You are not a mouse. Unless, of course, she smells like Brie and you're wearing big black ears. I'm just saying...

She wants you to pay. Forget feminism or the fact that she makes buckets more money than you do. First date, you pay. If she offers to go halfsies? It's a trap, dumbass. She's only offering you money just to see if you're the type of loser who'll say yes. You say you don't mind if she thinks you're a cheap bastard? What about a cheap bastard who's bad in the sack. There's a school of thought floating around out there that says how generous a man is with his wallet (and waiters) is indicative of how generous he'll be in bed. It may be just as much crap as the size of his feet, but some people believe that too.

She's worried about her love handles, not yours. The first time you get naked together, all (ok, not all) she's thinking is: Oh shit! The lights are on and he can see my cellulite! Or, He's seeing my disproportionately large boobs! (Yes some women consider that a problem. Very strange.) She's usually quite busy trying to get herself in a position that flatters her, like on her back - her stomach looks flatter, so don't argue with her until the lights are out - so she's not really paying attention to your body at all. So don't let your body stand in the way of a completely out-of-body sexual experience. She won't care if you skipped your ab-rolling for the past few weeks, or years, or lifetimes. Second penis? OK, she might notice that, but she'd only be happy for you both. Or the three of you. Or something.

She compares notes. Oh yes, she does. Don't worry - your lean to the left is just between you, her and her 12 closest friends. The ugly truth is that women talk, and they do so in anatomically correct detail. It's rarely benign. They WILL talk about last night with you - graphically - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Then she'll come back to you portraying sex as such a sacred and private thing, never letting on that she's spilling the beans to the girls. And grandma. And the guy who cuts her hair. And that nice lady at the laundromat. And...ok, I'm done.
I know, I know....the female mafia just put a hit out on me.