Single...
“I’m single , got no ring on this finger ”
Apparently since I have been single, people think something is wrong with me. Like I’ve developed a severe case of leprosy. It’s almost like when they find out I’m single they treat me like I’m dying of cancer or some crap: “Oh I’m sorry, I have a friend who has a cousin, would you be interested”.. . I don’t have a problem meeting men, I have a problem meeting decent men… .So would you prefer if I made it official with the losers who keep trying to talk to me? Maybe the dude with the gold teeth and the dried out dreads? Or how about the asshole that sent me a picture of his penis and then refused to apologize to me when I explained that it was disrespectful? Will that make you people feel better, for me to be with one of them, cause apparently that would be better than me being single?
For the first time in my life I am completely content, I don’t give a damn about a thing and I did this all on my own, not with the zombie medication the rest of you take. For once I do not need that companionship that kept me getting in these shitty relationships. I’m no longer using my age as an excuse to settle for the first guy that comes along. You all want me to be miserable in a relationship just like you? I keep seeing everyone’s joke of a relationship falling apart but you insist I should be going through that crap too? I appreciate the fact that for once I’m not the one going through the relationship bullshit, like the not being able to sleep or eat (however I do miss that weight loss plan), or the constant checking of my phone to see if they have called or text me, or worrying about where they are or who they are sleeping with. So I should give up my complete lack of emotional baggage, and my freedom just to say I’m in a relationship?
As you know my last relationships were Maury Povich-ish. First there was the asshole who couldn’t keep his penis in his pants and I constantly had to fight him and other bitches, oh did I mention he was an alcoholic? Then there was the little boy whom I had to hold his hand the whole relationship just to find out he was a MySpace cheater and finally well you all know about the most recent one… I admit I have poor choices in men, I have come to realize that my hate for men in general isn’t fair, I should hate the losers I have dated and not all men in the world. So when one of these assholes proves that the rest of you are not like the ones I’ve had the displeasure of knowing, then I will stop hating all of you.. LOL
So now that I have become the single/weird friend, you know the one who shows up at all the functions alone, the one who stays at home and watches re-runs of reality shows and eats tons of ice cream, the one who cancels all the vacations once I find out their couples trips.. Speaking of which, what’s with all the damn couple trips? Stop inviting me to stuff that is going to be a couples thing. Whats the problem, I appreciate the invite but I do not want to be a third wheel. Then you hit me with the suggestion… “bring so and so, he’ll go” .. NO I don’t want to bring SO AND SO, so and so is an asshole, which is why he isn’t my boyfriend.. . And just recently, I have become everyone’s “hook-up” project. Do I come off as that pathetic?
I know I’ve always been in relationships so it may be a little of a culture shock to see me single but give me a break.. And stop trying to hook me up with any Joe blow.. I’m not desperate! “give him a chance, he may be what you need”.. If I can’t even stand to look at him, I’m sure as not going to waste my time dating him.. I do have standards, you wouldn’t be able to tell based on the past but it’s true, I have standards, I was just drunk through most of my relationships.. LOL
So in conclusion: Unless your friend is Lyfe Jennings leave me alone! If someone comes along and I’m feeling him I will talk to him, but I do not need you all to feel sorry for me, I’m a big girl and I’m just fine I enjoy my own company more than I do most of yours! Thank you and enjoy your break-ups!
(P.S. I still love ya’ll, I know you mean well J)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I want a perfect body...
I Want A Perfect Body...I Want A Perfect SoulYears ago, I worked with a woman named Candy. She was an older woman who weighed close to 250 lbs. and walked with a limp. But you never noticed her weight or her limp. This woman dressed impeccably, she could put together an outfit better than Heidi Klum and Tom Gunn combined. She wore beautiful hats, stunning jackets, and had a collection of carved canes that would make Mr. Peanut jealous. Every morning, you were greeted with, "Good morning, honey, how are you today?"
The difference was, she actually cared what your response was. Once you knew Candy, her weight and limp disappeared. years ago, a woman I knew collapsed at work- an aneurysm burst in her brain stem, leaving her in a coma. She was 5 months pregnant and had just dropped off her daughter for her first day of kindergarten. She wasn't expected to live. In fact, they still aren't sure how she survived. But she did. She is now in a wheelchair and partially paralyzed on her right side. She gave birth to a beautiful son.
When I last visited with her, I asked her how she was doing. She said, "I'm busy, I'm too busy getting better to feel sorry for myself, to worry about how I used to be." When you first see her, you notice her beautiful blue eyes and electric smile. She's just as stunning as she was before. When you talk to her, she looks straight at you, hanging on every word. She's got a wicked sense of humor and a blast to hang out with. You forget about her disability, you forget she can no longer walk, that she can no longer use her right hand. All you see is this gorgeous blonde with the radiant smile.
What do these two women have in common?What has made a difference in both of their lives?
Attitude. Attitude. Attitude. Attitude. Attitude.ATTITUDE
These two women have transcended their disabilities, they have overcome their imperfections and have turned it around to their favor. They've become beautiful despite their bodies.
When I first saw this picture, I had to look twice. I initially saw a beautiful young girl, but it wasn't long before I realized this was no ordinary hot chick hanging out on Myspace.
Michelle got it. Michelle figured out what thousands turn in to Oprah and Dr. Phil for. Michelle figured out what the rest of us buy books to read about. Michelle figured out she is beautiful despite any imperfection she has. She radiates beauty regardless of what the rest of us might perceive as a disability. Michelle displays true courage, the courage to push the envelope, to not accept what others would hide from, but to show the rest of us what grace truly is. She has attitude. On top of it, she's genuine, honest, and f***ing hilarious. The rest of us can bitch and moan about our weight,we can walk around blending into mediocrity because we don't feel we are the perfect women shown in magazines, but for Michelle and other women like her?
They are too busy to worry about it. They are too busy living to hold themselves to a standard beneath them. They know that true beauty radiates from their heart, their soul. Their body is just a vessel to hold it all together, if it's flawed, so be it. They've transcended that vessel to illustrate how to really live.
It's time for the rest of us to learn the lesson.
I Want A Perfect Body...I Want A Perfect SoulYears ago, I worked with a woman named Candy. She was an older woman who weighed close to 250 lbs. and walked with a limp. But you never noticed her weight or her limp. This woman dressed impeccably, she could put together an outfit better than Heidi Klum and Tom Gunn combined. She wore beautiful hats, stunning jackets, and had a collection of carved canes that would make Mr. Peanut jealous. Every morning, you were greeted with, "Good morning, honey, how are you today?"
The difference was, she actually cared what your response was. Once you knew Candy, her weight and limp disappeared. years ago, a woman I knew collapsed at work- an aneurysm burst in her brain stem, leaving her in a coma. She was 5 months pregnant and had just dropped off her daughter for her first day of kindergarten. She wasn't expected to live. In fact, they still aren't sure how she survived. But she did. She is now in a wheelchair and partially paralyzed on her right side. She gave birth to a beautiful son.
When I last visited with her, I asked her how she was doing. She said, "I'm busy, I'm too busy getting better to feel sorry for myself, to worry about how I used to be." When you first see her, you notice her beautiful blue eyes and electric smile. She's just as stunning as she was before. When you talk to her, she looks straight at you, hanging on every word. She's got a wicked sense of humor and a blast to hang out with. You forget about her disability, you forget she can no longer walk, that she can no longer use her right hand. All you see is this gorgeous blonde with the radiant smile.
What do these two women have in common?What has made a difference in both of their lives?
Attitude. Attitude. Attitude. Attitude. Attitude.ATTITUDE
These two women have transcended their disabilities, they have overcome their imperfections and have turned it around to their favor. They've become beautiful despite their bodies.
When I first saw this picture, I had to look twice. I initially saw a beautiful young girl, but it wasn't long before I realized this was no ordinary hot chick hanging out on Myspace.
Michelle got it. Michelle figured out what thousands turn in to Oprah and Dr. Phil for. Michelle figured out what the rest of us buy books to read about. Michelle figured out she is beautiful despite any imperfection she has. She radiates beauty regardless of what the rest of us might perceive as a disability. Michelle displays true courage, the courage to push the envelope, to not accept what others would hide from, but to show the rest of us what grace truly is. She has attitude. On top of it, she's genuine, honest, and f***ing hilarious. The rest of us can bitch and moan about our weight,we can walk around blending into mediocrity because we don't feel we are the perfect women shown in magazines, but for Michelle and other women like her?
They are too busy to worry about it. They are too busy living to hold themselves to a standard beneath them. They know that true beauty radiates from their heart, their soul. Their body is just a vessel to hold it all together, if it's flawed, so be it. They've transcended that vessel to illustrate how to really live.
It's time for the rest of us to learn the lesson.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
From the heart
Did you ever meet a person who frustrated you? I mean, they were a great person but just needed some ‘fine tuning’ to make them perfect? I’m sure you know what I mean. They are pretty good the way they are, but COULD be so much better. And YOU know exactly what they need to do to be the sort of perfect they could be. Your mind is filled with “They Should” for this person. It is frustrating to be with this person because you see all of the amazing possibilities. Given half a chance, you know you could make this person the magnificent one they were meant to be.Why don’t they………………….
Not be so sensitive?
Be the leader they could be?
Step to the plate and mean it?
Entertain more?
Have a higher opinion of themselves?
Go to parties more, and for God‘s sake enjoy them?
What isn’t to enjoy?
Read more challenging books other than about Pirates and Rouges?
Stop reading between the lines?
Sleep more?
Stop living in a fairy tale world and see what the truth really is?
Cultivate more ‘genuine’ friends instead of just those computer ones?
Computer friends are not authentic.
Take more vitamins and the correct supplements?
And for goodness sake, start drinking milk again.
Stop eating red meat?
Not be so sensitive?
And on and on and on and on……………………………Meet me. I am the Queen of People Other People Want to Change. I’ve gotten so used to the words; “You should” that is seems part of my daily lexicon. I’ve heard the same mantra since I was old enough to understand more than Baby Talk. “You are great, but………………………”
There is always the butt.I look at me and guess if I was another person I’d want to “fix” me, too. I seem to walk around with a poster board saying, “Change me.“ The thing I hear the most is the ‘should’ about getting social more and sharing my wonderful, enchanting presence. People like to remind me I am well read and usually when thrown into a social situation can fake it pretty well so as to look like I am enjoying myself and not a nervous wreck. I’m up on and current events so when faced with that in a conversation can usually stay above water. To be fair, I actually have now gone to a couple of parties I can honestly say I enjoyed.
However, I have a long way to get to and it was MY goal.At times I feel like a blob of modeling clay. I go through life with people sticking holes into me, trying to change me wherever I go. The words I most hate are, “You shouldn’t feel like that. “ Hello, it is my heart we are dealing with here. How do you go about changing a heart? If I had the answer to that, I would have done it years ago. Being too sensitive is about the worst thing on the planet. Who wouldn’t want to change being hurt all the time?It started in my childhood when i listened intently and tried to become what my parents wanted me to be. I tried to be the best and daughter as I possibly could. Most of it worked out well for me. But “Now is your chance to really improve.
Get out there and do it!”Someone once asked me in a private conversation, “Why don’t you know how great you are?”It is an excellent question. I never felt pretty because I was told time and time again I wasn’t. Numerous times I would have boys “Cat Call” me when I went out. People would always exclaim they had no idea why they were doing such a thing. One time I was even accused of encouraging it by wearing my cut off jeans. I spent the rest of that day locked in my room. It came into play again when I entered high school and didn’t get one invitation to dance, let alone go on dates. The first person to tell me I was beautiful was a man 10 years my senior. I was a juniors in high school.
That is a long time to go constantly feeling at the bottom of the self esteem ladder. At no point in my public school education was I called smart. I would have settled for average, but that wasn’t even uttered. Two weeks ago I had an epiphany. People have always wanted to change me because I allow them to. Suddenly in hit me…..this is MY face. I can damned well do what I want with it. Movie star make-up is not my style. I don’t want to be perfect. I’m happy with the way I am and isn’t that the whole point of life? Happy?Yes, I am on a personal growth mission. But I will change when I WANT TO and feel I am ready, not when someone else wants me to. Everyone else just has to accept me the way I am; warts and all. And if I don’t change in the direction they want, tough. Live with it or get out.
Did you ever meet a person who frustrated you? I mean, they were a great person but just needed some ‘fine tuning’ to make them perfect? I’m sure you know what I mean. They are pretty good the way they are, but COULD be so much better. And YOU know exactly what they need to do to be the sort of perfect they could be. Your mind is filled with “They Should” for this person. It is frustrating to be with this person because you see all of the amazing possibilities. Given half a chance, you know you could make this person the magnificent one they were meant to be.Why don’t they………………….
Not be so sensitive?
Be the leader they could be?
Step to the plate and mean it?
Entertain more?
Have a higher opinion of themselves?
Go to parties more, and for God‘s sake enjoy them?
What isn’t to enjoy?
Read more challenging books other than about Pirates and Rouges?
Stop reading between the lines?
Sleep more?
Stop living in a fairy tale world and see what the truth really is?
Cultivate more ‘genuine’ friends instead of just those computer ones?
Computer friends are not authentic.
Take more vitamins and the correct supplements?
And for goodness sake, start drinking milk again.
Stop eating red meat?
Not be so sensitive?
And on and on and on and on……………………………Meet me. I am the Queen of People Other People Want to Change. I’ve gotten so used to the words; “You should” that is seems part of my daily lexicon. I’ve heard the same mantra since I was old enough to understand more than Baby Talk. “You are great, but………………………”
There is always the butt.I look at me and guess if I was another person I’d want to “fix” me, too. I seem to walk around with a poster board saying, “Change me.“ The thing I hear the most is the ‘should’ about getting social more and sharing my wonderful, enchanting presence. People like to remind me I am well read and usually when thrown into a social situation can fake it pretty well so as to look like I am enjoying myself and not a nervous wreck. I’m up on and current events so when faced with that in a conversation can usually stay above water. To be fair, I actually have now gone to a couple of parties I can honestly say I enjoyed.
However, I have a long way to get to and it was MY goal.At times I feel like a blob of modeling clay. I go through life with people sticking holes into me, trying to change me wherever I go. The words I most hate are, “You shouldn’t feel like that. “ Hello, it is my heart we are dealing with here. How do you go about changing a heart? If I had the answer to that, I would have done it years ago. Being too sensitive is about the worst thing on the planet. Who wouldn’t want to change being hurt all the time?It started in my childhood when i listened intently and tried to become what my parents wanted me to be. I tried to be the best and daughter as I possibly could. Most of it worked out well for me. But “Now is your chance to really improve.
Get out there and do it!”Someone once asked me in a private conversation, “Why don’t you know how great you are?”It is an excellent question. I never felt pretty because I was told time and time again I wasn’t. Numerous times I would have boys “Cat Call” me when I went out. People would always exclaim they had no idea why they were doing such a thing. One time I was even accused of encouraging it by wearing my cut off jeans. I spent the rest of that day locked in my room. It came into play again when I entered high school and didn’t get one invitation to dance, let alone go on dates. The first person to tell me I was beautiful was a man 10 years my senior. I was a juniors in high school.
That is a long time to go constantly feeling at the bottom of the self esteem ladder. At no point in my public school education was I called smart. I would have settled for average, but that wasn’t even uttered. Two weeks ago I had an epiphany. People have always wanted to change me because I allow them to. Suddenly in hit me…..this is MY face. I can damned well do what I want with it. Movie star make-up is not my style. I don’t want to be perfect. I’m happy with the way I am and isn’t that the whole point of life? Happy?Yes, I am on a personal growth mission. But I will change when I WANT TO and feel I am ready, not when someone else wants me to. Everyone else just has to accept me the way I am; warts and all. And if I don’t change in the direction they want, tough. Live with it or get out.
Friday, April 24, 2009
I saw a preview the other day for a movie coming out called "He’s just not that into you" that movie is based on a book, which is based on an episode of Sex In The City, which is based on a book, which was based on a relationship columnists columns, which were based on her life, which just goes to show art does imitate life, or artists aren’t very original these days.
With the dreaded Valentines Day looming on the horizon magazine covers and internet news fluff articles are being dominated by silly ass advice about how to spot your perfect love, how to avoid possibly problematic partners, how to get laid, and how to know if he’s just not that into you. Well I’ll save you the time of reading those Yahoo news articles and save you six bucks for that new copy of Cosmo and throw down a little pre-Valentine relationship advice.
Guys, you know she’s just not that into you if- She won’t have sex with you
Girls, you know he’s just not that into you if- He has sex with you
That only applies to newly dating couples. If you are already in a relationship that means she’s not having sex with you anyway and he’s having sex with somebody else. Actually that only applies to married couples. People in the post date/ pre marriage phase are probably having incredible sex on a regular basis but are starting to get tired of putting up with each other when they’re not having sex.
If you try to pick up dates in a bar don’t expect a lasting relationship, you might however expect an STD.
Don’t pick up dates on Craigslist unless you want to be part of a prostitution sting operation.
If you marry somebody who has three ex-husbands/wives, expect them to have a fourth pretty soon.
Did your man hit you? He’s gonna do it again.
If someone says, "It’s not you, it’s me." It’s you.
If your boyfriend won’t let you meet his friends, you aren’t his girlfriend. If a man takes you to meet his friends on the first date, he just wants to fuck.
Did your man forget Valentines Day? Good, that means he’s not gay.
Nice guys are usually pussies. Bad boys are usually assholes. There is no such thing as a hooker with a heart of gold. You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.
Always remember that the first three months of a relationship is where you can still hide all your fucked up problems, after that you have to deal with reality so don’t get married before three months.
Girls- You’d be amazed how much a man will appreciate you if you suck his dick every once in a while without making him beg or barter for it.
Guys- Just resign yourself to the fact that that bitch will never get ready to go out on time. You’ll save yourself a lot of stress that way.
Here’s a nice thought for the day: Jesus is proof that abstinence doesn’t work.
With the dreaded Valentines Day looming on the horizon magazine covers and internet news fluff articles are being dominated by silly ass advice about how to spot your perfect love, how to avoid possibly problematic partners, how to get laid, and how to know if he’s just not that into you. Well I’ll save you the time of reading those Yahoo news articles and save you six bucks for that new copy of Cosmo and throw down a little pre-Valentine relationship advice.
Guys, you know she’s just not that into you if- She won’t have sex with you
Girls, you know he’s just not that into you if- He has sex with you
That only applies to newly dating couples. If you are already in a relationship that means she’s not having sex with you anyway and he’s having sex with somebody else. Actually that only applies to married couples. People in the post date/ pre marriage phase are probably having incredible sex on a regular basis but are starting to get tired of putting up with each other when they’re not having sex.
If you try to pick up dates in a bar don’t expect a lasting relationship, you might however expect an STD.
Don’t pick up dates on Craigslist unless you want to be part of a prostitution sting operation.
If you marry somebody who has three ex-husbands/wives, expect them to have a fourth pretty soon.
Did your man hit you? He’s gonna do it again.
If someone says, "It’s not you, it’s me." It’s you.
If your boyfriend won’t let you meet his friends, you aren’t his girlfriend. If a man takes you to meet his friends on the first date, he just wants to fuck.
Did your man forget Valentines Day? Good, that means he’s not gay.
Nice guys are usually pussies. Bad boys are usually assholes. There is no such thing as a hooker with a heart of gold. You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.
Always remember that the first three months of a relationship is where you can still hide all your fucked up problems, after that you have to deal with reality so don’t get married before three months.
Girls- You’d be amazed how much a man will appreciate you if you suck his dick every once in a while without making him beg or barter for it.
Guys- Just resign yourself to the fact that that bitch will never get ready to go out on time. You’ll save yourself a lot of stress that way.
Here’s a nice thought for the day: Jesus is proof that abstinence doesn’t work.
the idea that if your man cheats, it's your fault. You weren't fulfilling him physically, so he sought sex elsewhere.
While I've always liked to believe it's that simple, my male friends have told me otherwise. In fact, they personally have witnessed male friends and colleagues of theirs who were in perfectly happy marriages, engaging in affairs with other women. Why do they do this?
First, we must look at the reasons men cheat.
According to most studies, men cheat for physical reasons while women cheat for emotional ones. So certainly if a man is feeling unfulfilled physically, he'd be more apt to stray...but that begs the question, just what does he NEED to be fulfilled physically?
The answer to that isn't quite so simple. For some men, sex once a week would be enough. For others, once an hour every hour wouldn't be enough. For some, it's not so much the frequency of sex as the quality of it and the fact is, some men just get bored with having sex with the same woman, day after day, week after week, year after year. (To be fair, women can get bored as well, but that's a different blog.) A new person is exciting, fun...it shakes things up. Plus...
He's doing something he's not supposed to do.
We can't completely rule out the excitement and adventure some people find in sneaking around. Of course, most affairs are conducted in seedy hotel rooms and the guilt that happens afterward has to take a little of the fun out of things, but for someone with no conscience, affair sex can be addictive.
If you look at the many lists that have been gathered as "reasons men cheat," many contain the same elements. They include: The thrill of extramarital sex, fear of commitment, lack of fulfillment, revenge, midlife crisis/insecurities, emotional escape... You get the point. Lack of fulfillment is one of the reasons, but usually there's something deeper at root. Nothing can boost a man's dormant ego like an attractive woman showing a romantic interest in him. That romantic interest can lead him down a dangerous path and before he knows it, he's gone too far. And we all know once someone has cheated once, he tends to continue to cheat until one day he's caught. Even then, he may not stop.
How do I know? I've been on the other side of it. I met a man who had a girlfriend he supposedly wasn't happy with. Too late I learned that while he might not be happy with her, he was "comfortable" in the routine they'd established. I waited around, hoping he'd eventually break up with her, but one day I could wait no more. I moved on with my life and he married that woman...and they lived happily ever after. Or did they?
Would he cheat if a woman came along and was willing to help him? Maybe. At the time I knew him, they'd been together six years and he'd lost himself somewhere along the way. I gave him that attention he'd missed for so long. He didn't cheat with me but I think he would have, if I'd been willing.
Chances were, no matter what she did, it would never be enough to satisfy that.
I know it's much easier to accept that we can affair-proof our relationships. We don't want to hear that no matter what a person does, the other person could still be tempted to stray. You see, whether a person cheats or not goes much deeper than the relationship he is in. It is deep within him, at the core of who he is as a person. That is why you do your best to find a GOOD person...and hope he has the integrity to handle the bumps in the road the right way, rather than taking the sleazy way out.
What do you think? Can you affair-proof your relationship? Is it as easy as, "If he isn't getting it at home, he'll go elsewhere?"
While I've always liked to believe it's that simple, my male friends have told me otherwise. In fact, they personally have witnessed male friends and colleagues of theirs who were in perfectly happy marriages, engaging in affairs with other women. Why do they do this?
First, we must look at the reasons men cheat.
According to most studies, men cheat for physical reasons while women cheat for emotional ones. So certainly if a man is feeling unfulfilled physically, he'd be more apt to stray...but that begs the question, just what does he NEED to be fulfilled physically?
The answer to that isn't quite so simple. For some men, sex once a week would be enough. For others, once an hour every hour wouldn't be enough. For some, it's not so much the frequency of sex as the quality of it and the fact is, some men just get bored with having sex with the same woman, day after day, week after week, year after year. (To be fair, women can get bored as well, but that's a different blog.) A new person is exciting, fun...it shakes things up. Plus...
He's doing something he's not supposed to do.
We can't completely rule out the excitement and adventure some people find in sneaking around. Of course, most affairs are conducted in seedy hotel rooms and the guilt that happens afterward has to take a little of the fun out of things, but for someone with no conscience, affair sex can be addictive.
If you look at the many lists that have been gathered as "reasons men cheat," many contain the same elements. They include: The thrill of extramarital sex, fear of commitment, lack of fulfillment, revenge, midlife crisis/insecurities, emotional escape... You get the point. Lack of fulfillment is one of the reasons, but usually there's something deeper at root. Nothing can boost a man's dormant ego like an attractive woman showing a romantic interest in him. That romantic interest can lead him down a dangerous path and before he knows it, he's gone too far. And we all know once someone has cheated once, he tends to continue to cheat until one day he's caught. Even then, he may not stop.
How do I know? I've been on the other side of it. I met a man who had a girlfriend he supposedly wasn't happy with. Too late I learned that while he might not be happy with her, he was "comfortable" in the routine they'd established. I waited around, hoping he'd eventually break up with her, but one day I could wait no more. I moved on with my life and he married that woman...and they lived happily ever after. Or did they?
Would he cheat if a woman came along and was willing to help him? Maybe. At the time I knew him, they'd been together six years and he'd lost himself somewhere along the way. I gave him that attention he'd missed for so long. He didn't cheat with me but I think he would have, if I'd been willing.
Chances were, no matter what she did, it would never be enough to satisfy that.
I know it's much easier to accept that we can affair-proof our relationships. We don't want to hear that no matter what a person does, the other person could still be tempted to stray. You see, whether a person cheats or not goes much deeper than the relationship he is in. It is deep within him, at the core of who he is as a person. That is why you do your best to find a GOOD person...and hope he has the integrity to handle the bumps in the road the right way, rather than taking the sleazy way out.
What do you think? Can you affair-proof your relationship? Is it as easy as, "If he isn't getting it at home, he'll go elsewhere?"
Dating? Looking for a new relationship?
Well, I have some great signs I have accumulated and thought I should share.lol1. Men Who Are Damaged and Like It:He's the guy that seems so sensitive and caring when you first meet. He's able to share with you the heartbreak of a broken relationship. You only find out after a few more encounters that he's still nursing a broken heart from the relationship he had with someone over ten years ago. You slowly realize that he's not so much heartbroken but already committed to never caring about someone again. No matter how much time you spend together, you can never get through. Face it, you never will. The padding around his heart (and his skull) is so thick a neutron bomb won't pierce through it.
So give up and get going. He's like a dick wad that slowly wears you down with false hope until you just want to smash it. 2.. Men Who Thinks He Knows You: These are the guys who think they are Einstein. They spend all their time thinking and little time actually doing anything constructive. They have put a big label on you after two dates. He's the guy who sits there watching you, with that stupid smug "I knew it" look on his face. He's clearly thinking that by putting a label on you, he has you all figured out and knows just what to do to cure you of anything u could possibly do to him inthr future.What's sad is that he still can't figure out how to get someone to actually like him, so how is he going to fix you? 3.Men Who Think They Are Better Than You or know every freaking thing. Have you met him?
He's all about feeling superior. Nobody is good enough for him. My lady has to be an intellect,a great cook, a great lover and Alice. At the end of day, hes requesting everything he is not!He simply takes comfort in feeling that he is better than everybody else. Pls dont spend too much time with this dude.After spending enough time with this guy, you will grow to despise his mire existence.He is unworthy. Throw him away like you would a mold-filled potato. 4. Men Who Are Way Too Paranoid
Something about these green-eyed goblins drives them to think you are cheating, even when you are with them.
They are the ones who seem so confident at first, flirting with you and attracted to your ability to flirt back. You date them and find they really don't like your clothes (too revealing), your hairstyle(too flashy), your friends (sluts), your family (too nosy), your job (too demanding)These are signs of a paranoid nut who can't stand you out of his sight.He needs you to have nothing in your life but him, and you will have nothing unless you wake up and get out. Run..Run...Run
It only takes around a week to pick up on these signs..Lmao
5. Men Who Think Only With Their Sticks:
As we well know, the streets r littered with broken realationships & marriages caused by men who think with their sticks and not their brains. They see something they want to poke and it does not matter if they have Beyonce or Buffy the Body waiting at home. These men will do what they know they shouldn't do, go get the forbidden poke.It does not matter that you are the hottest chick.A man like this is going to give you a few diseases and mess up your public right to be voted the "Happiest Couple". You know he's the type to cheat as that's how you got him from his first wife. Know that you got a weasel in your arms, and throw him away before he puts you on the front pages of the daily newspaper for murder.lol
For those of u viewing, pls do not take this out of context. however,if it applies to u,let it stick...
Well, I have some great signs I have accumulated and thought I should share.lol1. Men Who Are Damaged and Like It:He's the guy that seems so sensitive and caring when you first meet. He's able to share with you the heartbreak of a broken relationship. You only find out after a few more encounters that he's still nursing a broken heart from the relationship he had with someone over ten years ago. You slowly realize that he's not so much heartbroken but already committed to never caring about someone again. No matter how much time you spend together, you can never get through. Face it, you never will. The padding around his heart (and his skull) is so thick a neutron bomb won't pierce through it.
So give up and get going. He's like a dick wad that slowly wears you down with false hope until you just want to smash it. 2.. Men Who Thinks He Knows You: These are the guys who think they are Einstein. They spend all their time thinking and little time actually doing anything constructive. They have put a big label on you after two dates. He's the guy who sits there watching you, with that stupid smug "I knew it" look on his face. He's clearly thinking that by putting a label on you, he has you all figured out and knows just what to do to cure you of anything u could possibly do to him inthr future.What's sad is that he still can't figure out how to get someone to actually like him, so how is he going to fix you? 3.Men Who Think They Are Better Than You or know every freaking thing. Have you met him?
He's all about feeling superior. Nobody is good enough for him. My lady has to be an intellect,a great cook, a great lover and Alice. At the end of day, hes requesting everything he is not!He simply takes comfort in feeling that he is better than everybody else. Pls dont spend too much time with this dude.After spending enough time with this guy, you will grow to despise his mire existence.He is unworthy. Throw him away like you would a mold-filled potato. 4. Men Who Are Way Too Paranoid
Something about these green-eyed goblins drives them to think you are cheating, even when you are with them.
They are the ones who seem so confident at first, flirting with you and attracted to your ability to flirt back. You date them and find they really don't like your clothes (too revealing), your hairstyle(too flashy), your friends (sluts), your family (too nosy), your job (too demanding)These are signs of a paranoid nut who can't stand you out of his sight.He needs you to have nothing in your life but him, and you will have nothing unless you wake up and get out. Run..Run...Run
It only takes around a week to pick up on these signs..Lmao
5. Men Who Think Only With Their Sticks:
As we well know, the streets r littered with broken realationships & marriages caused by men who think with their sticks and not their brains. They see something they want to poke and it does not matter if they have Beyonce or Buffy the Body waiting at home. These men will do what they know they shouldn't do, go get the forbidden poke.It does not matter that you are the hottest chick.A man like this is going to give you a few diseases and mess up your public right to be voted the "Happiest Couple". You know he's the type to cheat as that's how you got him from his first wife. Know that you got a weasel in your arms, and throw him away before he puts you on the front pages of the daily newspaper for murder.lol
For those of u viewing, pls do not take this out of context. however,if it applies to u,let it stick...
Ah, the beginning of a new year and love is rampant on Myspace-Linda is reminiscing about first dates; Sarah is relishing in the first kiss; and the lovely Amanda is wondering whether a man should ask before kissing or just go for the plunge (hint: go for it!).I find myself longing for that feeling of love again. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with being single, I'm pretty busy with work, school and Church , I've been walking and writing as well. , and well, God knows how much time Myspace takes up these days!
But I miss being part of a couple. You know, being part of something bigger than yourself? That feeling that together you can do or be anything?Reading all of the comments and watching everyone share their stories, I've thought about giving internet dating another try. Several years ago, I tried it for a few months- I met several nice guys, several not so nice guys, but I just never met anyone that clicked. No one that had that spark. I eventually met someone and was in a relationship for two years but alas, I find myself in Singlesville once again. Yesterday I lurked on one site just to see what was out there- kind of like checking out the local car lot when you're in the market for a car. You sort of know what you want, but you want to look around just in case there's a model you hadn't considered before.
I was surprised at how nervous I was...Eeek! Do I really want to put myself out there again? Will it be any different this time? I don't know what I was afraid of, I just was. When I was little, I used to watch a lot of scary movies and, shock of all shockers, I was also afraid of the dark (now I'm afraid of ghosts and my house is haunted- only me). I was convinced there was something evil under the bed.
I had ALL the rules down solid:1. Tuck feet in under the covers so it can't grab your toe and suck you down into the black hole under the bed...'cause hello? That's where it came from!2. Have a lamp by the bed that you can reach over to turn off the light. God forbid if I would have to get out of bed to flip the switch! But, on those rare occasions, I would take two steps towards the bed and then JUMP on the bed to avoid him grabbing my leg (apparently this horrible, scary monster only had a two foot reach).3. NEVER get out of bed until daylight- there must've been some vampire quality in him...hhhmmm.4. ALWAYS, ALWAYS have a radio on when you're sleeping 'cause everyone knows monsters hate music, right? And, on the outside chance this monster liked music, the radio would drown out any noises he made so I wouldn't hear him. Pretty smart, eh?So here I am, older and wiser and yet feeling just as intimidated as I was a long time ago- only this monster is more real.
Internet dating is a little different than meeting someone at a bar or an event. When you meet someone in person, you get a feel for them, you get a sense of who they are and, better yet, you can gauge their reaction during your discussion- maybe feel totally relaxed and open or pull back a little if necessary
On the internet, you need to overcome the proverbial first impression- without any chance to correct any misperceptions. I mentioned on another blog that perception is 99% of reality in today's world. For example, look at my page. I've given a very specific impression and, given your viewpoint, it could be good or bad. But I don't get a second chance to change it- once you've seen it, you can either want to get to know me or move on. You could assume specific things that could be completely wrong or get me spot on
Given all my insecurities, I thought I would invite you guys to help me and poke the tires a bit, maybe a test drive or two...so give me some advice- what should I say on my dating page? And I don't want to see 'be yourself' 'be honest'...I need specifics, should I just be general and maybe they'll contact me to know more? Or be very specific? Should I talk about me or more what I'm looking for? If you've ever done the internet dating thing, what worked for you?
But I miss being part of a couple. You know, being part of something bigger than yourself? That feeling that together you can do or be anything?Reading all of the comments and watching everyone share their stories, I've thought about giving internet dating another try. Several years ago, I tried it for a few months- I met several nice guys, several not so nice guys, but I just never met anyone that clicked. No one that had that spark. I eventually met someone and was in a relationship for two years but alas, I find myself in Singlesville once again. Yesterday I lurked on one site just to see what was out there- kind of like checking out the local car lot when you're in the market for a car. You sort of know what you want, but you want to look around just in case there's a model you hadn't considered before.
I was surprised at how nervous I was...Eeek! Do I really want to put myself out there again? Will it be any different this time? I don't know what I was afraid of, I just was. When I was little, I used to watch a lot of scary movies and, shock of all shockers, I was also afraid of the dark (now I'm afraid of ghosts and my house is haunted- only me). I was convinced there was something evil under the bed.
I had ALL the rules down solid:1. Tuck feet in under the covers so it can't grab your toe and suck you down into the black hole under the bed...'cause hello? That's where it came from!2. Have a lamp by the bed that you can reach over to turn off the light. God forbid if I would have to get out of bed to flip the switch! But, on those rare occasions, I would take two steps towards the bed and then JUMP on the bed to avoid him grabbing my leg (apparently this horrible, scary monster only had a two foot reach).3. NEVER get out of bed until daylight- there must've been some vampire quality in him...hhhmmm.4. ALWAYS, ALWAYS have a radio on when you're sleeping 'cause everyone knows monsters hate music, right? And, on the outside chance this monster liked music, the radio would drown out any noises he made so I wouldn't hear him. Pretty smart, eh?So here I am, older and wiser and yet feeling just as intimidated as I was a long time ago- only this monster is more real.
Internet dating is a little different than meeting someone at a bar or an event. When you meet someone in person, you get a feel for them, you get a sense of who they are and, better yet, you can gauge their reaction during your discussion- maybe feel totally relaxed and open or pull back a little if necessary
On the internet, you need to overcome the proverbial first impression- without any chance to correct any misperceptions. I mentioned on another blog that perception is 99% of reality in today's world. For example, look at my page. I've given a very specific impression and, given your viewpoint, it could be good or bad. But I don't get a second chance to change it- once you've seen it, you can either want to get to know me or move on. You could assume specific things that could be completely wrong or get me spot on
Given all my insecurities, I thought I would invite you guys to help me and poke the tires a bit, maybe a test drive or two...so give me some advice- what should I say on my dating page? And I don't want to see 'be yourself' 'be honest'...I need specifics, should I just be general and maybe they'll contact me to know more? Or be very specific? Should I talk about me or more what I'm looking for? If you've ever done the internet dating thing, what worked for you?
Irreplaceable LoversWe all know that some people are irreplaceable. Parents. Kids. Siblings. But what about lovers?People come and go from our life, much like seasons of the year. Out with winter, in with spring. We learn that, and come to accept it. That person who used to be your best friend for life, now gone without a trace. The boys you grew up with, passed on by like a little boat racing down a curb on a rainy day. The girls you once called sisters in high school. They turn a corner, and are gone from our view. Or was it us that turned the corner? Maybe you just grew apart, or moved away.
Then there are the lovers. The ones you took into your bed. The ones whose bed you took comfort in. The ones you spoke intense words of love to, in strong ecstasy, and in quiet determinations. The very same ones who are no longer there. Sometimes we reject lovers in terrible pain, as we have no choice, for the hurtful deeds they have done, or refused to do. Sometimes we are rejected, no longer fitting that spot we once held in their life. Life can separate us like two cars on a highway, and one takes an exit, and there’s just nothing that can be done about it. But sometimes, we discard lovers capriciously. We tire of them. We get bored. We lose that ‘spark’ of attraction, leaving us wondering what we ever saw in them to begin with.
Our eyes wander, our minds wander, and soon, we take that exit, or push them onto it.Why?Because they are replaceable. Expendable.It might be that you feel like you can do better, straight up. It might be that you need some time alone, of course. But you know after that time alone, you’ll be wanting a lover. A new one. New and improved. The younger you are, of course, the more problem this can be. After all, there’s still time. You have years left. Youth left. Time on your side, for the moment. Your adventures are more important, your dreams, and people must not interfere or bog you down. But as the song goes, life is like an hourglass, glued to the table. Love doesn’t come as easy. People don’t look as good as they used to. It’s so hard to be overwhelmed with passion that you know will fizzle quickly.
You are no longer naïve enough to believe the best in people. You don’t fall in love like that first time out, not anymore. And let’s face it, you don’t look as good as you once did either, and your own baggage can make you harder to love as well. You simply getolder.One day you realize that the adventures of your youth are sealed in your past, like air bubbles trapped in cement. You realize that your dreams don’t look the same as they once did, and you value different things. You realize you aren’t such a big deal after all, you are not invincible, and that other people who care about you are to be treasured.
You realize that a sweet lover, should you be fortunate enough to have one or find one, is no longer one of many, nor are there a line of many more right behind them. They are not replaceable.I have always thought that those who choose someone as they age, just so they don’t die alone, was absurd. But maybe that is just saying it the wrong way. Maybe it is an acute awareness that your days will never be re-lived, and the ones who love you cannot be replaced. Maybe maturity has a lot to do with dropping selfishness. Maybe the secrets of life come not in indulging ourselves, but in the indulgence of our lover.
Disposable lovers can leave us desperate, urgent, hoping that at least once we will find that one true love, that one we dreamed of as kids, that one we thought we deserved, though we never earned it. Surely life shall not pass us by and leave us empty-handed? Surely life owes us?And we realize that life owes us nothing. The certainties we once had are now question marks, and many black-and-whites have now become shades of gray, and you start thinking, if I should find love againit may be irreplaceable.______________and suddenly, everything changes.
Then there are the lovers. The ones you took into your bed. The ones whose bed you took comfort in. The ones you spoke intense words of love to, in strong ecstasy, and in quiet determinations. The very same ones who are no longer there. Sometimes we reject lovers in terrible pain, as we have no choice, for the hurtful deeds they have done, or refused to do. Sometimes we are rejected, no longer fitting that spot we once held in their life. Life can separate us like two cars on a highway, and one takes an exit, and there’s just nothing that can be done about it. But sometimes, we discard lovers capriciously. We tire of them. We get bored. We lose that ‘spark’ of attraction, leaving us wondering what we ever saw in them to begin with.
Our eyes wander, our minds wander, and soon, we take that exit, or push them onto it.Why?Because they are replaceable. Expendable.It might be that you feel like you can do better, straight up. It might be that you need some time alone, of course. But you know after that time alone, you’ll be wanting a lover. A new one. New and improved. The younger you are, of course, the more problem this can be. After all, there’s still time. You have years left. Youth left. Time on your side, for the moment. Your adventures are more important, your dreams, and people must not interfere or bog you down. But as the song goes, life is like an hourglass, glued to the table. Love doesn’t come as easy. People don’t look as good as they used to. It’s so hard to be overwhelmed with passion that you know will fizzle quickly.
You are no longer naïve enough to believe the best in people. You don’t fall in love like that first time out, not anymore. And let’s face it, you don’t look as good as you once did either, and your own baggage can make you harder to love as well. You simply getolder.One day you realize that the adventures of your youth are sealed in your past, like air bubbles trapped in cement. You realize that your dreams don’t look the same as they once did, and you value different things. You realize you aren’t such a big deal after all, you are not invincible, and that other people who care about you are to be treasured.
You realize that a sweet lover, should you be fortunate enough to have one or find one, is no longer one of many, nor are there a line of many more right behind them. They are not replaceable.I have always thought that those who choose someone as they age, just so they don’t die alone, was absurd. But maybe that is just saying it the wrong way. Maybe it is an acute awareness that your days will never be re-lived, and the ones who love you cannot be replaced. Maybe maturity has a lot to do with dropping selfishness. Maybe the secrets of life come not in indulging ourselves, but in the indulgence of our lover.
Disposable lovers can leave us desperate, urgent, hoping that at least once we will find that one true love, that one we dreamed of as kids, that one we thought we deserved, though we never earned it. Surely life shall not pass us by and leave us empty-handed? Surely life owes us?And we realize that life owes us nothing. The certainties we once had are now question marks, and many black-and-whites have now become shades of gray, and you start thinking, if I should find love againit may be irreplaceable.______________and suddenly, everything changes.
Have You ever Felt Like....
Have you ever felt like
You looked in the eyes of the one you might love, or the one whom you have fallen deeply in love with… and see something that no one else sees?
You see the beauty in them as they sleep? You see the beauty in their eyes as they speak, you watch the corners of their mouth curl as they smile at something you have said
And you realize that they are showing you something intimate? Something others don't see? And then, as this vision of them expands.. you see them for all the love they have in their heart. They way they might love their child. The way they looked at their mom or dad when they were but a little child themselves?
And you feel like no one else has loved them the way you do right now?
That you see them in a way no one else sees them. And for all their stubbornness or anger, you see the little child within, and you long to embrace them? You long to hold them forever? You are certain that no one else will ever love them as much as you, no one else will understand..
And the warm sensation of love washes over you, for they have become quite gorgeous, and your heart feels something that has no words.. though you wish so much you could say it
And you wish so much you could keep it
Like a little secret all to yourself
And you want to just lift them up to the stars, to see them fly to glory, and accomplish their every dream, and taste of every hope, and share of them, partake, that they would then look upon you as the key, they very soul that helped make them what they have now become, and gratitude pours from their eyes, as love flows and tells you that nothing else matters
Except that right now at this moment, you are here together
And have you ever had them call you stupid for it?
For this dream?
For seeing them as something amazing, angelic? All too eager to prove to you that it isn't true, that they reject this adorati
Instead of trying to live up to it, letting you love them as that glorious vision, as well as for where they are now, they discourage you, and crush that dream, that vision
By doing things that make it near impossible to love
And you hang on anyway, through their dastardly deeds, knowing that beauty is still there, the little kid that lies within, that innocence of the beautiful, powerful part of them… that seems to be harder and harder to see
Until we feel a fool for seeing it, for imagining it, because they have crushed it, even on purpose, or perhaps not, and then
You question yourself
Did you really see it? Was there really the beauty underneath, and you just couldn't tap into it, draw it out, because of their pain and fear?
Or that it was never there, and they have fooled you, like a wolf in sheep's clothing, flashing only moments of brilliance, enough to lure you into a trap, reaching for a sparkly thing that will only cut you if you try and touch
Or did you lie to yourself, knowing somehow they would cut you anyway, but hoping against hope that they were for real, trying desperately to fashion something real that was only a dream, that you clung to precariously, looking away from the obvious danger, from your own need to be loved, and your own need to believe
Knowing that the only other option
Was to acknowledge
That there was no point in hoping at all…
Have you ever felt like
You looked in the eyes of the one you might love, or the one whom you have fallen deeply in love with… and see something that no one else sees?
You see the beauty in them as they sleep? You see the beauty in their eyes as they speak, you watch the corners of their mouth curl as they smile at something you have said
And you realize that they are showing you something intimate? Something others don't see? And then, as this vision of them expands.. you see them for all the love they have in their heart. They way they might love their child. The way they looked at their mom or dad when they were but a little child themselves?
And you feel like no one else has loved them the way you do right now?
That you see them in a way no one else sees them. And for all their stubbornness or anger, you see the little child within, and you long to embrace them? You long to hold them forever? You are certain that no one else will ever love them as much as you, no one else will understand..
And the warm sensation of love washes over you, for they have become quite gorgeous, and your heart feels something that has no words.. though you wish so much you could say it
And you wish so much you could keep it
Like a little secret all to yourself
And you want to just lift them up to the stars, to see them fly to glory, and accomplish their every dream, and taste of every hope, and share of them, partake, that they would then look upon you as the key, they very soul that helped make them what they have now become, and gratitude pours from their eyes, as love flows and tells you that nothing else matters
Except that right now at this moment, you are here together
And have you ever had them call you stupid for it?
For this dream?
For seeing them as something amazing, angelic? All too eager to prove to you that it isn't true, that they reject this adorati
Instead of trying to live up to it, letting you love them as that glorious vision, as well as for where they are now, they discourage you, and crush that dream, that vision
By doing things that make it near impossible to love
And you hang on anyway, through their dastardly deeds, knowing that beauty is still there, the little kid that lies within, that innocence of the beautiful, powerful part of them… that seems to be harder and harder to see
Until we feel a fool for seeing it, for imagining it, because they have crushed it, even on purpose, or perhaps not, and then
You question yourself
Did you really see it? Was there really the beauty underneath, and you just couldn't tap into it, draw it out, because of their pain and fear?
Or that it was never there, and they have fooled you, like a wolf in sheep's clothing, flashing only moments of brilliance, enough to lure you into a trap, reaching for a sparkly thing that will only cut you if you try and touch
Or did you lie to yourself, knowing somehow they would cut you anyway, but hoping against hope that they were for real, trying desperately to fashion something real that was only a dream, that you clung to precariously, looking away from the obvious danger, from your own need to be loved, and your own need to believe
Knowing that the only other option
Was to acknowledge
That there was no point in hoping at all…
Last night I attended a very swanky party. As I was sauntering casually through the room (OK, making a bee-line for the buffet), I noticed a gaggle of girls gathered near the bar- my friend Kathy was leading a very lively conversation with lots of giggling. "Julie!" She yelled so the entire place could hear. Ugh, I guess those steak kabobs can wait. "Tell them about the 2-second Rule!" Oh great. As I walked over with that death ray 'what the hell are you doing to me' stare, I proceeded to expound, very matter of factly, on the 2-second rule.Later, as I was walking to my car in the parking lot, I remember the topic came up when I was having lunch with my friend, Steve. He had fallen in lust with this hot brunette at his office, Amy. "I've been trying to ask her out, but the minute we start talking personal stuff, she changes the subject. I know she's not seeing anyone. I don't get it!" "It's the 2-second rule. You've been defined as the dreaded friend," I replied. I felt as if I just told him his puppy died. No man wants to be labeled as a friend with a woman they desire.
Prey tell, what is the 2-second rule you ask? When a single woman meets a man, consciously or subconsciously, a 2 second vision pops in her head of them having sex. Trust me, you could be as hot as Brad Pitt, rich as Bill Gates, or have the soul of Ghandi- if she can't make that vision happen- if that little twinkle doesn't show up in her eyes? You're toast. You've been placed in the 'friend' rolodex. And there's no turning back. You have 2 seconds. It's not fair, I didn't create the rule- it's just how we're wired to judge men.
Call in animal magnetism, pheromones, whatever...2 seconds. I came across this little discovery a few years ago when I was out with friends at our favorite dive, Sugar Daddys. I met two equally nice guys- both good looking, funny, smart, they both had jobs, didn't sleep in their car- so far, so good. The first guy? No movie in my head. It was as dull as standing in line at the DMV. I couldn't even blink like I Dream of Jeannie to make it happen.
The second guy? A pornfest, baby! I don't know why, it just happens. It's in our DNA or something. All my friends have tried it and swear by it. Next time you're introduced to a woman or meet a girl out and about, look for that first twinkle in her eye. If she's got that flash of Jenna Jamison in Vegas look on her face? Order up those drinks! Bow chicka bow bow!!! But if she's got a vague fog about her like she's trying to recall the Dewey Decimal system....move on. Don't even remember her name. You're a goner.
Prey tell, what is the 2-second rule you ask? When a single woman meets a man, consciously or subconsciously, a 2 second vision pops in her head of them having sex. Trust me, you could be as hot as Brad Pitt, rich as Bill Gates, or have the soul of Ghandi- if she can't make that vision happen- if that little twinkle doesn't show up in her eyes? You're toast. You've been placed in the 'friend' rolodex. And there's no turning back. You have 2 seconds. It's not fair, I didn't create the rule- it's just how we're wired to judge men.
Call in animal magnetism, pheromones, whatever...2 seconds. I came across this little discovery a few years ago when I was out with friends at our favorite dive, Sugar Daddys. I met two equally nice guys- both good looking, funny, smart, they both had jobs, didn't sleep in their car- so far, so good. The first guy? No movie in my head. It was as dull as standing in line at the DMV. I couldn't even blink like I Dream of Jeannie to make it happen.
The second guy? A pornfest, baby! I don't know why, it just happens. It's in our DNA or something. All my friends have tried it and swear by it. Next time you're introduced to a woman or meet a girl out and about, look for that first twinkle in her eye. If she's got that flash of Jenna Jamison in Vegas look on her face? Order up those drinks! Bow chicka bow bow!!! But if she's got a vague fog about her like she's trying to recall the Dewey Decimal system....move on. Don't even remember her name. You're a goner.
Any relationship has it's troubles. Sometimes, they are pretty manageable. Sometimes they are major, and painful.The process is usually similar... a man and woman meet... chemistry... fall in love...And when a woman gives her heart, and really, really feels love for a man, it's really something to see. The love of a woman can be so powerful, and beautiful. The kind of love where she counts down the minutes until he gets home. The kind of love where she would bring home a huge Christmas tree and put it up, even while 6 months pregnant, just so she could surprise him.
The kind of love where she will drive an hour out of her way, just to see him for five minutes, and kiss him.It's so powerful.But as we all know, often times, this passion begins to change, or fade. It is rarely because of the passage of time, as most women don't just enjoy the novelty of fresh love at first, but also the long-lasting love many dream of, a man they can count on, a man they are safe with. But often, it fades because of damage. Hurtful words. Hurtful actions. Things that cause mistrust or suspicion. And especially, things that cause her to lose respect and admiration for him. This is the toughest blow, because women are so resilient to pain, and willing to forgive, out of that deep love they have devoted to the man.
They will even give a man the benefit of the doubt when it comes to mistrust, hoping against hope that his heart still belongs to her, and that he is faithful when he insists that he is. But respect... men's deepest need is often to be admired and respected... and when he does things, and says things, that trigger disgust, or hurts her and others with carelessness... She cannot help but feel that disgust and shame against him. At first, she may shrug it off, knowing her love must withstand, and that he's not perfect. Then she often tries to help him, encourage him, show him where he is causing the problem. Sadly, the man either just does not get it, or she can't seem to explain it correctly, or worse- she gets ripped for it. And the admiration breaks down further..And a woman may often begin treating him worse, from her disdain and disgust for what she has now seen. She thought, and hoped, he was a good man, but now her love shrinks away, like a hand pulling back from a hissing snake...
Now, she still 'loves' him.. but its like a dying campfire, soon to go out, and instead of feeding the flames and keeping it hot, he pours mud upon it with each new offense...Add to this, that he responds badly to the problem, when she presents it. He either denies it, which makes him a liar since she knows she is correct, and this lying makes it worse... Or he says he is sorry, and vows to change and get better, but ultimately, his attempts are feeble, and he doesn't improve, further killing the fire that once was... and also making him a liar... Or, he responds in hostility to the 'attack' she has brought, even though she really didn't mean to do that, it was more like a cry for help, begging him to stop trampling their fire, and breaking her heart, crushing her spirit... and now she can only withdraw and witness the collapse of her own heart, and even, her dreams...And then it happens.
The feeling is lost. Usually, it comes like a revelation. Either from an event, or from just waking up one day and realizing-The feeling is GONE.the love is gone, it's gone... lost...No longer does she have any fight to save it. No longer does she feel anything positive for him. As if she fell into a sleep, and a dream when she loved him... the dream became a nightmare, and in that moment, she wakes up. She rubs the 'sleep' from her eyes, And the dream is over. Reality is upon her, and she begins to move.Once she gets to this place, the dream is never recaptured. Not with him. She remembers the dream. It was so vivid. It was so intense. It became so painful. She remembers his name. But she can never fall asleep again, and fall into his arms again to feel that love, and give him what she once gave.It may take her a while, to set herself right.
These aren't things that are walked away from like the flip of a switch. But once this moment comes, once the flame is snuffed out, it's only a matter of time, and nothing can stop it. She will never feel it again, for him. She may stick around a while, see if she can rekindle the spark. See if it's really gone. And often, the man confirms it, doing more of the very same things, speaking the same ugly things that got him there...Men often think they can do as they will. They see that the woman loves him. They see her deep forgiveness and desire for him. They see how she offers herself, and takes whatever bit of him she can get.
Then they abuse it. They push it too far. They don't feed her fire, or give her enough. They neglect her. They trample her at will, knowing she will always love him, knowing her love is deep and important... yet not realizing, it can indeed be broken, it can be killed, and not realizing how very close they might be to this moment... And most of all, not realizing that if this moment occurs... he will never, never again, recapture her heart. A dream can't be recaptured...Once she is finally... sadly awake.
The kind of love where she will drive an hour out of her way, just to see him for five minutes, and kiss him.It's so powerful.But as we all know, often times, this passion begins to change, or fade. It is rarely because of the passage of time, as most women don't just enjoy the novelty of fresh love at first, but also the long-lasting love many dream of, a man they can count on, a man they are safe with. But often, it fades because of damage. Hurtful words. Hurtful actions. Things that cause mistrust or suspicion. And especially, things that cause her to lose respect and admiration for him. This is the toughest blow, because women are so resilient to pain, and willing to forgive, out of that deep love they have devoted to the man.
They will even give a man the benefit of the doubt when it comes to mistrust, hoping against hope that his heart still belongs to her, and that he is faithful when he insists that he is. But respect... men's deepest need is often to be admired and respected... and when he does things, and says things, that trigger disgust, or hurts her and others with carelessness... She cannot help but feel that disgust and shame against him. At first, she may shrug it off, knowing her love must withstand, and that he's not perfect. Then she often tries to help him, encourage him, show him where he is causing the problem. Sadly, the man either just does not get it, or she can't seem to explain it correctly, or worse- she gets ripped for it. And the admiration breaks down further..And a woman may often begin treating him worse, from her disdain and disgust for what she has now seen. She thought, and hoped, he was a good man, but now her love shrinks away, like a hand pulling back from a hissing snake...
Now, she still 'loves' him.. but its like a dying campfire, soon to go out, and instead of feeding the flames and keeping it hot, he pours mud upon it with each new offense...Add to this, that he responds badly to the problem, when she presents it. He either denies it, which makes him a liar since she knows she is correct, and this lying makes it worse... Or he says he is sorry, and vows to change and get better, but ultimately, his attempts are feeble, and he doesn't improve, further killing the fire that once was... and also making him a liar... Or, he responds in hostility to the 'attack' she has brought, even though she really didn't mean to do that, it was more like a cry for help, begging him to stop trampling their fire, and breaking her heart, crushing her spirit... and now she can only withdraw and witness the collapse of her own heart, and even, her dreams...And then it happens.
The feeling is lost. Usually, it comes like a revelation. Either from an event, or from just waking up one day and realizing-The feeling is GONE.the love is gone, it's gone... lost...No longer does she have any fight to save it. No longer does she feel anything positive for him. As if she fell into a sleep, and a dream when she loved him... the dream became a nightmare, and in that moment, she wakes up. She rubs the 'sleep' from her eyes, And the dream is over. Reality is upon her, and she begins to move.Once she gets to this place, the dream is never recaptured. Not with him. She remembers the dream. It was so vivid. It was so intense. It became so painful. She remembers his name. But she can never fall asleep again, and fall into his arms again to feel that love, and give him what she once gave.It may take her a while, to set herself right.
These aren't things that are walked away from like the flip of a switch. But once this moment comes, once the flame is snuffed out, it's only a matter of time, and nothing can stop it. She will never feel it again, for him. She may stick around a while, see if she can rekindle the spark. See if it's really gone. And often, the man confirms it, doing more of the very same things, speaking the same ugly things that got him there...Men often think they can do as they will. They see that the woman loves him. They see her deep forgiveness and desire for him. They see how she offers herself, and takes whatever bit of him she can get.
Then they abuse it. They push it too far. They don't feed her fire, or give her enough. They neglect her. They trample her at will, knowing she will always love him, knowing her love is deep and important... yet not realizing, it can indeed be broken, it can be killed, and not realizing how very close they might be to this moment... And most of all, not realizing that if this moment occurs... he will never, never again, recapture her heart. A dream can't be recaptured...Once she is finally... sadly awake.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
NYMPHO? OR NORMAL?"I once dated this nympho...""Wait a second," I interrupted the male friend who was telling me this story. "Exactly what made her a nympho?""She wanted it ALL THE TIME. It was exhausting. And she was always running around naked, which I thought would be a good thing, but it's like that episode of Seinfeld.
There's good naked and bad naked, believe me."I frowned. "Okay, when you say she wanted it 'all the time,' just how often are we talking? Every hour on the hour? Ten times a day?"Now he frowned. "Well...no...maybe once a day, sometimes every couple of days, but it was too much for me."AHHHH. We'd gotten exactly where I expected we'd be. "So because she wanted it more often than you did, she was a nympho?"My friend stammered all around that one but basically, I'd hit the nail on the head. One man's nympho is another man's prude. Okay, maybe not that extreme, but you get my point. It's all relative to how often HE wants sex. If she wants it too much or too little, there's a problem.
I think we all grew up assuming all men wanted sex, all the time. Maybe as teenagers, that was true...but as you get older, you'll find men aren't quite so predictable in their sex drives. In fact, you might be surprised to hear...brace yourself...not all men have the exact same sex drive.I know. Surprising, isn't it?
I don't know where this belief came from that any man who isn't a complete horn dog is "not normal" but everyone is different. And this perception that a woman is supposed to be less sexually charged than the man she is with is a myth as well. Yet, how many times have you heard a female friend, going through a break up, all too willing to tell the entire world about her "gay" ex? He had to be gay, after all, because he hardly ever wanted to have sex. That's just not...NORMAL.It's pretty simple. If he wants sex measurably more than you do, he's a sex fiend. If he wants it quite a bit less, he's repressed. Or gay. Same with women. Only when WOMEN want sex too much, they are labeled nymphomaniacs. Too little? A prude.
Either way, it all boils down to one major problem...a problem that has the power to take down your relationship. You are, very simply, sexually incompatible.Obvious? Well...yeah. So why is it that people can't seem to tolerate these differences in each other? Why do people feel the need to justify their own sex drives?That's what it all boils down to. If she wanted it significantly more or less than you, in order to appear NORMAL, you have to say something was wrong with her. You can't admit that maybe you just didn't have what it took to satisfy her and she needed someone with a stronger sex drive. Or maybe sex just wasn't all that important to her.
Or maybe, just maybe, she would have wanted to have sex...but somehow she knew things just weren't right between you.No, your ex wasn't gay, prudish, perverted, or a sex maniac. Your ex was simply not compatible with you in bed. There's nothing wrong with that. Now, cut the strings. Let go. And accept the fact that men and women don't quite fit into the sexual stereotypes society has cut out for us.
There's good naked and bad naked, believe me."I frowned. "Okay, when you say she wanted it 'all the time,' just how often are we talking? Every hour on the hour? Ten times a day?"Now he frowned. "Well...no...maybe once a day, sometimes every couple of days, but it was too much for me."AHHHH. We'd gotten exactly where I expected we'd be. "So because she wanted it more often than you did, she was a nympho?"My friend stammered all around that one but basically, I'd hit the nail on the head. One man's nympho is another man's prude. Okay, maybe not that extreme, but you get my point. It's all relative to how often HE wants sex. If she wants it too much or too little, there's a problem.
I think we all grew up assuming all men wanted sex, all the time. Maybe as teenagers, that was true...but as you get older, you'll find men aren't quite so predictable in their sex drives. In fact, you might be surprised to hear...brace yourself...not all men have the exact same sex drive.I know. Surprising, isn't it?
I don't know where this belief came from that any man who isn't a complete horn dog is "not normal" but everyone is different. And this perception that a woman is supposed to be less sexually charged than the man she is with is a myth as well. Yet, how many times have you heard a female friend, going through a break up, all too willing to tell the entire world about her "gay" ex? He had to be gay, after all, because he hardly ever wanted to have sex. That's just not...NORMAL.It's pretty simple. If he wants sex measurably more than you do, he's a sex fiend. If he wants it quite a bit less, he's repressed. Or gay. Same with women. Only when WOMEN want sex too much, they are labeled nymphomaniacs. Too little? A prude.
Either way, it all boils down to one major problem...a problem that has the power to take down your relationship. You are, very simply, sexually incompatible.Obvious? Well...yeah. So why is it that people can't seem to tolerate these differences in each other? Why do people feel the need to justify their own sex drives?That's what it all boils down to. If she wanted it significantly more or less than you, in order to appear NORMAL, you have to say something was wrong with her. You can't admit that maybe you just didn't have what it took to satisfy her and she needed someone with a stronger sex drive. Or maybe sex just wasn't all that important to her.
Or maybe, just maybe, she would have wanted to have sex...but somehow she knew things just weren't right between you.No, your ex wasn't gay, prudish, perverted, or a sex maniac. Your ex was simply not compatible with you in bed. There's nothing wrong with that. Now, cut the strings. Let go. And accept the fact that men and women don't quite fit into the sexual stereotypes society has cut out for us.
When you are in a relationship with someone, it's a given that person is going to have a past. At some point, your lover was in love with, maybe even dumped by, someone else. As a result, there will be THINGS in that person's life that were given to him or her by another lover. Sweaters, cologne, some jewelry... Some still have wedding rings, tucked away in a jewelry box somewhere. Then there might be photos...boxes and boxes of photos, for that matter.
When you move in together or even get married, at what point do you, the new person, have the right to be upset at these old items lying around? Where is the line?What if these items are in storage? Does that make it okay?I've heard people complain of new lovers trashing boxes full of photos. Sure, many of the photos were of past lovers, but there were other memories in those photos as well. Friends they shared, places they went, high school graduations... Should they be allowed to keep those?
There are things we'll all want to remember as we get older. When we're 82, looking back over our lives, we'll still recall everyone we've loved, everyone who has loved us. If our spouse is still alive at that point, will remembering our past loves take anything away from the love we share with the current person we're with?What if that spouse has tossed away many of our valuable memories, out of spite or jealousy? Won't we harbor a little resentment?It gets even more complicated when your spouse or current lover shares children with an ex. Photos are inevitable. Often MANY photos.
Photos of a happily family, taken prior to their divorce/break-up. Not a single photo involving those children gets scrapped. Those photos are precious. It's not that the photos are displayed around the house...they are usually tucked into a box somewhere, but when you happen upon them, it's no less uncomfortable.Jealousy? Not really. But where do you draw the line? When is it appropriate to be upset over the presence of items from your lover's past?
When you move in together or even get married, at what point do you, the new person, have the right to be upset at these old items lying around? Where is the line?What if these items are in storage? Does that make it okay?I've heard people complain of new lovers trashing boxes full of photos. Sure, many of the photos were of past lovers, but there were other memories in those photos as well. Friends they shared, places they went, high school graduations... Should they be allowed to keep those?
There are things we'll all want to remember as we get older. When we're 82, looking back over our lives, we'll still recall everyone we've loved, everyone who has loved us. If our spouse is still alive at that point, will remembering our past loves take anything away from the love we share with the current person we're with?What if that spouse has tossed away many of our valuable memories, out of spite or jealousy? Won't we harbor a little resentment?It gets even more complicated when your spouse or current lover shares children with an ex. Photos are inevitable. Often MANY photos.
Photos of a happily family, taken prior to their divorce/break-up. Not a single photo involving those children gets scrapped. Those photos are precious. It's not that the photos are displayed around the house...they are usually tucked into a box somewhere, but when you happen upon them, it's no less uncomfortable.Jealousy? Not really. But where do you draw the line? When is it appropriate to be upset over the presence of items from your lover's past?
As I'm sitting reading my favorite bloggers this evening, my phone goes off and it's a toll free number. I don't know about you, but these days? Unless I recognize the number on my phonel, it goes straight the machine. A toll free number at 10 p.m. at night can never be good- no raffle prizes won, lost relatives leaving you millions, Brad Pitt suddenly finding your number- yep, voicemail can handle it. Curious, I listen to the message and it's some guy telling me to turn the TV channel to watch a show on Channel 8.
Wow. I'll admit to watching too much TV, but when you get a voicemail telling you what shows to watch? It's time to step away from the clicker!OK, of COURSE, I had to see what the show was- I mean, they had my number, right? What if they are cyber stalking me and want to make sure I tuned in? It was an inspirational presentation on 'finding your voice'. First of all, I have no f**** clue how they found me, so finding my voice? And what was my voice going to say in my robe and bunny slippers at ten at night? But I was hooked. I'm a sucker for hope. Plop me down in front of a brimstone-and-fire preacher telling me I have a prayer in hell for all my dreams to come true and I'm singing to the rafters.
Let me watch a movie where the loyal dog is hurt after attacking the ferocious bear and I'm rooting for Ol' Yeller to move his tail and lick the boy's face. And yes, I have a sick fascination with Tony Robbins. I know, I'm ashamed...I'm sure there's some shock therapy for it. I picked up a book last week on the advice of a friend. It's about accepting your fate and life as it is. Right now. You have a serious illness, it's your fate. Accept it. Husband leave you with kids and no money? It's life. Deal with it. I had to put it down after the 4th chapter. I would get a knot in my stomach as I read the words- I kept skipping paragraphs waiting for it to get better. I was looking for that little shred of hope. Hope that your illness gets better. Hope that the abandoned mom becomes Mrs. Field's Cookies and becomes a millionaire.
Hope that tomorrow is somehow better than today.What is it about hope that we crave? Am I just not accepting that sometimes life sucks? Am I pollyanna here? I just can't imagine the world without even the possibility that positive things can happen. If not, why get up in the morning? I mean, I'll be the first to admit I've spent hundreds of dollars on inspirational books, DVDs, seminars- I even read my horoscope looking for that word or switch that will make me feel better about the rest of the day. I'm a walking bumper sticker- I've got chipper little catch phrases that would make Donny Osmond blarf. Am I Mrs. Fields? Or even someone remotely famous, rich, a writer, movie star? No, but I keep hoping. Some day. Maybe. It's that 'maybe' that keeps me going. No promises. No guarantees. Just maybe.What do you think? Are we just fooling ourselves? Or is hope worth believing in?
Wow. I'll admit to watching too much TV, but when you get a voicemail telling you what shows to watch? It's time to step away from the clicker!OK, of COURSE, I had to see what the show was- I mean, they had my number, right? What if they are cyber stalking me and want to make sure I tuned in? It was an inspirational presentation on 'finding your voice'. First of all, I have no f**** clue how they found me, so finding my voice? And what was my voice going to say in my robe and bunny slippers at ten at night? But I was hooked. I'm a sucker for hope. Plop me down in front of a brimstone-and-fire preacher telling me I have a prayer in hell for all my dreams to come true and I'm singing to the rafters.
Let me watch a movie where the loyal dog is hurt after attacking the ferocious bear and I'm rooting for Ol' Yeller to move his tail and lick the boy's face. And yes, I have a sick fascination with Tony Robbins. I know, I'm ashamed...I'm sure there's some shock therapy for it. I picked up a book last week on the advice of a friend. It's about accepting your fate and life as it is. Right now. You have a serious illness, it's your fate. Accept it. Husband leave you with kids and no money? It's life. Deal with it. I had to put it down after the 4th chapter. I would get a knot in my stomach as I read the words- I kept skipping paragraphs waiting for it to get better. I was looking for that little shred of hope. Hope that your illness gets better. Hope that the abandoned mom becomes Mrs. Field's Cookies and becomes a millionaire.
Hope that tomorrow is somehow better than today.What is it about hope that we crave? Am I just not accepting that sometimes life sucks? Am I pollyanna here? I just can't imagine the world without even the possibility that positive things can happen. If not, why get up in the morning? I mean, I'll be the first to admit I've spent hundreds of dollars on inspirational books, DVDs, seminars- I even read my horoscope looking for that word or switch that will make me feel better about the rest of the day. I'm a walking bumper sticker- I've got chipper little catch phrases that would make Donny Osmond blarf. Am I Mrs. Fields? Or even someone remotely famous, rich, a writer, movie star? No, but I keep hoping. Some day. Maybe. It's that 'maybe' that keeps me going. No promises. No guarantees. Just maybe.What do you think? Are we just fooling ourselves? Or is hope worth believing in?
YOU'RE HIS BACKUP GIRLWe've all been there. Crazy about some guy who isn't quite into you. Yet still he keeps you around, contacting you occasionally but never going to the next step. He must be at least a little interested. Otherwise why would he keep calling?I'm going to clue you in on a fact you may not want to face, so brace yourself. The man you've been waiting around for, wasting months of your life on, the man you've made a priority, is only keeping you around as an option. You aren't his first choice.
If you were, you'd be with him all the time. You would know how he feels about you because, guess what? He would know. At the moment he doesn't.
Women do it too. I've had friends I've personally witnessed doing this sort of thing. We'll keep a guy around as our backup, taking his phone calls and hanging out with him -- knowing he's crazy about us but all the while knowing we'll never feel the same.So why do we do it? Is it that we need the ego boost? Are we that afraid of being alone? Or maybe a part of us feels that if we'll only hold on a little while longer, our feelings will change.
Meanwhile, someone has put his life on hold. Maybe he doesn't intend to, but as long as there's hope for the two of you, he can't fully move on.It's so easy to recognize when we're someone's backup. Yet we allow people to do this to us...why? Maybe, in a sense, we too are holding on out of fear of being alone. It's far easier to hang onto something familiar than to get out there and face the unknown. We know we deserve better but it's just not easy to let go. But deep down we know that if we walked away, he wouldn't stop us.
Don't you want someone who would stop you?When you are someone's priority, you never doubt it. He doesn't just call you when he's feeling horny and lonely. You never have to ask him where you stand -- you always know. If you're honest with yourself, you'll admit you'd be the same way. Aren't you a whole lot more attentive to a guy you're a crazy about? Wouldn't you prefer a man who feels that way about you?Go get him. He's out there waiting...
I Want and I Won't Settle Until---I want a dominate male. I want a man that comes in and takes over the stress of my life when in a relationship. I hate being the one who is forced to make all the decisions. I want a manly man. I want a man that will go , fishing, hiking, boating, loves sports, loves being outside. Why?
Because a man that does all of this is in tune with his "male" side. He acts upon biological urges that are inside of him. I don't want him to be feminine in any way. I want a sexual man. I want a man that is going to take me wherever he wants me, whether it be in the car, at the edge of a pond where we might be fishing, on the kitchen table etc. I think you get my jist. I want the man to be very sexually dominate. I want my man to have a little bad boy inside of him.I want a man that has naughty thoughts that he whispers in my ears while we are grocery shopping so that when I get home (or on the way home) we can fuck hard then make love, or vice versa LOL.
I want him to look good dressed up, but to also wear t-shirt and tight jeans so I can see his ass and drool over him. I want my man to be a bit kinky.I want my man to feel free to expiriment with sex. I want him to be willing to take both of us to places that we haven't been before. Tie me down, spank my ass, pull my hair, and there are tuns of other things I want to try, but I will leave them out. lol I have to keep it semi-clean.I want my man to have emotions.I don't want my man to be crying all the time, or a whiner either. But I do want him to understand my emotions, share with my about both of our feelings and be open about everything.I want a blatently honest man.I want a man that will give me the straight up truth all the time.
I want him to be honest and caring, no matter what the subject. Honesty is the only way to go. It is so much easier having to deal with things that come at you in a relationship if you live with the honesty code. When hurts come at us, it's much easier to heal from hearing the truth rather than a lie. I want a man with respect.I want a man that expects to be respected, but one that will also give me respect. as well as compassion. I know I have a tall list to fill, but I honestly don't think it's much to expect. I Want and I Won't Settle Until---Until I find a man that fills all of these qualities. ..
Because a man that does all of this is in tune with his "male" side. He acts upon biological urges that are inside of him. I don't want him to be feminine in any way. I want a sexual man. I want a man that is going to take me wherever he wants me, whether it be in the car, at the edge of a pond where we might be fishing, on the kitchen table etc. I think you get my jist. I want the man to be very sexually dominate. I want my man to have a little bad boy inside of him.I want a man that has naughty thoughts that he whispers in my ears while we are grocery shopping so that when I get home (or on the way home) we can fuck hard then make love, or vice versa LOL.
I want him to look good dressed up, but to also wear t-shirt and tight jeans so I can see his ass and drool over him. I want my man to be a bit kinky.I want my man to feel free to expiriment with sex. I want him to be willing to take both of us to places that we haven't been before. Tie me down, spank my ass, pull my hair, and there are tuns of other things I want to try, but I will leave them out. lol I have to keep it semi-clean.I want my man to have emotions.I don't want my man to be crying all the time, or a whiner either. But I do want him to understand my emotions, share with my about both of our feelings and be open about everything.I want a blatently honest man.I want a man that will give me the straight up truth all the time.
I want him to be honest and caring, no matter what the subject. Honesty is the only way to go. It is so much easier having to deal with things that come at you in a relationship if you live with the honesty code. When hurts come at us, it's much easier to heal from hearing the truth rather than a lie. I want a man with respect.I want a man that expects to be respected, but one that will also give me respect. as well as compassion. I know I have a tall list to fill, but I honestly don't think it's much to expect. I Want and I Won't Settle Until---Until I find a man that fills all of these qualities. ..
The Disappearing Marriage
Marriage today. Obsolete?While weddings continue to be a billion dollar industry, society, it would seem, is not marriage friendly. Or is it?On one hand, it would seem that society perpetuates it, guilting poor young couples into it, with views such as "so, when are you going to make an honest woman out of her?" For those that hold the traditional view, it is imperative, it is a major goal that all should be working towards.On the other hand, there is a whole new generation that thinks it may be the stupidest thing ever, outmoded at best. Why sign a legal contract obligating the hell out of each other, when you simply don't have to? It is no longer taboo to live together, or to have kids out of wedlock.
Nobody even cares anymore. People can even pass it off as 'common law' marriage, whatever that is. Apparently, it's the "we have been shacking up and having sex so long, society is going to half-ass obligate us anyway" and then we are also off the hook for the real thing. The idea of wanting to get married so we can have sex is laughable too, since sex these days is free and easy. Neither does anyone wait until marriage to have sex. Even if they intend to, it just doesn't happen much.Then we see the results of marriages around us. Explosive divorces. Financial ruin. Legal battles, with children caught in the crossfire. And for those still married, they got the wife hopped up on Prozac and burning up credit cards and banging the milkman , the husband addicted to booze and porn, kids on Ritalin and having sex at age 12, and everyone is so stressed, they practically forget each other. And they drive ugly cars a lot too.
Single folks look at all that, and cringe.Why, oh WHY, would anyone want that?Then we see terrible discontent in marriage. Not just the trainwrecks above, but both spouses feeling like they got ripped off, they give but don't receive, they feel stuck somewhere they no longer want to be, and the promise they made a decade ago barely applies to what life looks like now. So they cheat, or leave, or both. Why enter a contract that will almost surely fail?And we get folks that say that LOVE itself is a farce, an illusion, that never lasts. They say that people just aren't genetically programmed to be married, it's just not natural for us to have only one sex partner. And nobody takes the time to figure out how to succeed in marriage, how to preserve it. And then if you get married, and pour yourself out unselfishly, you get taken for granted, or taken to the cleaners, or neglected, and then society can laugh at you and call you a chump for believing in love and marriage, almost like you were waiting for the great pumpkin that will never come.Nobody wants to be accountable or told what to do. Nobody wants to feel controlled or suffocated. Nobody wants to get screwed over. Nobody wants to have the life drained out of them, and every divorced person here knows exactly what I am talking about. And we are sold an image of glamour, of fun night life, exciting sexual escapades, freedom.People avoid love and commitment now like the plague, and not just men. Women see what their girlfriends go through, and rarely find men that really qualify, either because they won't fulfill their Disney dreams very well, or otherwise are all screwed up.
Why get married?Is there something beautiful and special about this sacred covenant, or have we become so jaded we already lost that dream? It would seem to me that the only folks left that would even bother to marry do it for religious / faith reasons, trying to do things the 'right' way. And faith often calls for self-denial, a concept that nobody wants to embrace. Why deny ourselves what we simply do not have to? And, we can reason, that a piece of paper does not equal love, or change anything anyway. And we know that people often get married for the wrong reasons, like having a housekeeper - babysitter, a meal ticket, etc. Or even for social acceptance, or for the kids. Yikes.I personally think I would like to be married , in spite of all this, but I can't help being a little gun-shy about it. There are no guarantees, and the stakes are so high. Love can overcome a lot, but can I really afford what it costs? And how to find someone you can trust this way?Is marriage a dying institution?
Marriage today. Obsolete?While weddings continue to be a billion dollar industry, society, it would seem, is not marriage friendly. Or is it?On one hand, it would seem that society perpetuates it, guilting poor young couples into it, with views such as "so, when are you going to make an honest woman out of her?" For those that hold the traditional view, it is imperative, it is a major goal that all should be working towards.On the other hand, there is a whole new generation that thinks it may be the stupidest thing ever, outmoded at best. Why sign a legal contract obligating the hell out of each other, when you simply don't have to? It is no longer taboo to live together, or to have kids out of wedlock.
Nobody even cares anymore. People can even pass it off as 'common law' marriage, whatever that is. Apparently, it's the "we have been shacking up and having sex so long, society is going to half-ass obligate us anyway" and then we are also off the hook for the real thing. The idea of wanting to get married so we can have sex is laughable too, since sex these days is free and easy. Neither does anyone wait until marriage to have sex. Even if they intend to, it just doesn't happen much.Then we see the results of marriages around us. Explosive divorces. Financial ruin. Legal battles, with children caught in the crossfire. And for those still married, they got the wife hopped up on Prozac and burning up credit cards and banging the milkman , the husband addicted to booze and porn, kids on Ritalin and having sex at age 12, and everyone is so stressed, they practically forget each other. And they drive ugly cars a lot too.
Single folks look at all that, and cringe.Why, oh WHY, would anyone want that?Then we see terrible discontent in marriage. Not just the trainwrecks above, but both spouses feeling like they got ripped off, they give but don't receive, they feel stuck somewhere they no longer want to be, and the promise they made a decade ago barely applies to what life looks like now. So they cheat, or leave, or both. Why enter a contract that will almost surely fail?And we get folks that say that LOVE itself is a farce, an illusion, that never lasts. They say that people just aren't genetically programmed to be married, it's just not natural for us to have only one sex partner. And nobody takes the time to figure out how to succeed in marriage, how to preserve it. And then if you get married, and pour yourself out unselfishly, you get taken for granted, or taken to the cleaners, or neglected, and then society can laugh at you and call you a chump for believing in love and marriage, almost like you were waiting for the great pumpkin that will never come.Nobody wants to be accountable or told what to do. Nobody wants to feel controlled or suffocated. Nobody wants to get screwed over. Nobody wants to have the life drained out of them, and every divorced person here knows exactly what I am talking about. And we are sold an image of glamour, of fun night life, exciting sexual escapades, freedom.People avoid love and commitment now like the plague, and not just men. Women see what their girlfriends go through, and rarely find men that really qualify, either because they won't fulfill their Disney dreams very well, or otherwise are all screwed up.
Why get married?Is there something beautiful and special about this sacred covenant, or have we become so jaded we already lost that dream? It would seem to me that the only folks left that would even bother to marry do it for religious / faith reasons, trying to do things the 'right' way. And faith often calls for self-denial, a concept that nobody wants to embrace. Why deny ourselves what we simply do not have to? And, we can reason, that a piece of paper does not equal love, or change anything anyway. And we know that people often get married for the wrong reasons, like having a housekeeper - babysitter, a meal ticket, etc. Or even for social acceptance, or for the kids. Yikes.I personally think I would like to be married , in spite of all this, but I can't help being a little gun-shy about it. There are no guarantees, and the stakes are so high. Love can overcome a lot, but can I really afford what it costs? And how to find someone you can trust this way?Is marriage a dying institution?
So, there's this blog entry in Xanga which I couldn't help but repost. I couldn't have said it better and I couldn't have asked for a better list.Five Biblical qualities that attract a man to a woman1. SimilarityWhat do you have in common! It makes me sad to see people with someoneknowing that they have nothing in common with them, content with thefact their relationship will not blossom into anything.2. SexualityWhat man wants a woman that doesn't attract him sexually? I know what yourthinking: Christians aren't supposed to think about each other thatway. But come on - that man doesn't want to sleep with your intellect! (after you're married) He wants to be attracted to you physically as well as mentally/emotionally!3. ServanthoodThis is where you are interested in meeting HIS needs. This doesn't meanwaiting on him hand and foot, but just be interested in his well-being.4. SpiritualityThis is a priceless jewel to have in your attraction. When a man isattracted to your spirituality, that means he has to dig deep to TRULYknow who you are and what makes you do the things you do. For him tosee the God in you, that's a great attraction. A woman's heart should be so lost in God that he will have to know God to find her.5. StatusWhat guy wants a woman that everyone else can have? You need to have astatus about you. It's nothing that you have to personally check in the mirror though. This is natural. This man wants to look at you and know that you are worth getting to know and calling you his own. 6. SubmissionI know this is a stage where most women don't see eye-to-eye, but I haveto say that the idea of submission isn't all that bad. I see submissionas having this guy know that he is in control. Not saying that you haveto be walked all over. My pastor once told all the single women in ourchurch this one little nugget that I have never forgotten.: Don't ever let a man leave your presence feeling like less of a man! I think this is a great way to live. I think you dishonor a man when you feel as if you cannot submit to him and his vision. Because if his vision is big enough, it should have enough room to fit yours in it. Bottom line: Don't settle!Remember: What you compromise to get, you will ultimately lose!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Over and over again, people who seem to know what they are doing say the same thing. Quit looking for love and it will find you. Stop trying so hard. Get off those online dating sites, quit going to singles bars. Just...
Just what?
Just sit on your sofa watching C.S.I.?
Just keep staring at your TV and eating Ho-Hos?
Because, any minute now, the person of your dreams is going to come knocking on your door and begging you to go out?
I think not.
If you're over the age of 30 and single, I've got news for you. Love ain't findin' you. Love doesn't even know where you live. Love says you need to get up off that sofa, turn off your TV, and get out into the world if you want it.
I say over the age of 30 because that's when it seems toughest to meet new people. In your teens and early 20s you're in school, surrounded by other single people. Then you graduate and hit the real world, still having friends who are single like you. They hang out in singles bars and clubs, where other 20-something singles hang out. You are regularly exposed to people your age who are not yet taken.
But there's a reason you spend your late 20s going to weddings. All your friends pair up. They start having babies. They stop going to clubs. If you make it through all of this, still single...
Now, you've got problems.
Over 30, your life generally consists of work, home, and...well, that's it. If you're lucky you still have single friends to hang out with but you start to notice the singles hangouts generally aren't geared toward people your age. Hello? You weren't supposed to be single anymore. If you're a guy, you are seen as a little creepy. If you're a woman, the men are wondering who let the M.I.L.F. out. You just don't want to be that person.
If you're looking for a job, do you sit on your sofa and assume it will just magically happen? Do you get all dressed up and wander the streets, hoping someone will notice you? Heck no. You get your resume out there. You network. You make opportunity happen.
Why is dating not the same way? If you think online dating is only for desperate people, you need to get with the 00s chica. More than 120,000 weddings a year are the result of an online dating matchup. That's 240,000 people that would still be sitting on that sofa alone if they hadn't been able to push past outdated stereotypes.
Some are more into networking. This is where it gets tough. Your inclination is to go where members of the opposite sex are likely to be...but it's not about that. It's about getting out there and meeting people. Take a part-time job. Join a group that shares your hobby. Do charity work -- something you ENJOY doing. You may find yourself surrounded by members of the same sex, but who knows? One of them may have a child, friend of a friend, or sibling to fix you up with.
One site I've recommended here before is meetup.com. Find groups that share your interest. Join several of them. Get out there and have fun. Even if you don't find love, you'll make some great friends and it certainly beats sitting alone with those Ho-Hos.
Just what?
Just sit on your sofa watching C.S.I.?
Just keep staring at your TV and eating Ho-Hos?
Because, any minute now, the person of your dreams is going to come knocking on your door and begging you to go out?
I think not.
If you're over the age of 30 and single, I've got news for you. Love ain't findin' you. Love doesn't even know where you live. Love says you need to get up off that sofa, turn off your TV, and get out into the world if you want it.
I say over the age of 30 because that's when it seems toughest to meet new people. In your teens and early 20s you're in school, surrounded by other single people. Then you graduate and hit the real world, still having friends who are single like you. They hang out in singles bars and clubs, where other 20-something singles hang out. You are regularly exposed to people your age who are not yet taken.
But there's a reason you spend your late 20s going to weddings. All your friends pair up. They start having babies. They stop going to clubs. If you make it through all of this, still single...
Now, you've got problems.
Over 30, your life generally consists of work, home, and...well, that's it. If you're lucky you still have single friends to hang out with but you start to notice the singles hangouts generally aren't geared toward people your age. Hello? You weren't supposed to be single anymore. If you're a guy, you are seen as a little creepy. If you're a woman, the men are wondering who let the M.I.L.F. out. You just don't want to be that person.
If you're looking for a job, do you sit on your sofa and assume it will just magically happen? Do you get all dressed up and wander the streets, hoping someone will notice you? Heck no. You get your resume out there. You network. You make opportunity happen.
Why is dating not the same way? If you think online dating is only for desperate people, you need to get with the 00s chica. More than 120,000 weddings a year are the result of an online dating matchup. That's 240,000 people that would still be sitting on that sofa alone if they hadn't been able to push past outdated stereotypes.
Some are more into networking. This is where it gets tough. Your inclination is to go where members of the opposite sex are likely to be...but it's not about that. It's about getting out there and meeting people. Take a part-time job. Join a group that shares your hobby. Do charity work -- something you ENJOY doing. You may find yourself surrounded by members of the same sex, but who knows? One of them may have a child, friend of a friend, or sibling to fix you up with.
One site I've recommended here before is meetup.com. Find groups that share your interest. Join several of them. Get out there and have fun. Even if you don't find love, you'll make some great friends and it certainly beats sitting alone with those Ho-Hos.
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