Single...
“I’m single , got no ring on this finger ”
Apparently since I have been single, people think something is wrong with me. Like I’ve developed a severe case of leprosy. It’s almost like when they find out I’m single they treat me like I’m dying of cancer or some crap: “Oh I’m sorry, I have a friend who has a cousin, would you be interested”.. . I don’t have a problem meeting men, I have a problem meeting decent men… .So would you prefer if I made it official with the losers who keep trying to talk to me? Maybe the dude with the gold teeth and the dried out dreads? Or how about the asshole that sent me a picture of his penis and then refused to apologize to me when I explained that it was disrespectful? Will that make you people feel better, for me to be with one of them, cause apparently that would be better than me being single?

For the first time in my life I am completely content, I don’t give a damn about a thing and I did this all on my own, not with the zombie medication the rest of you take. For once I do not need that companionship that kept me getting in these shitty relationships. I’m no longer using my age as an excuse to settle for the first guy that comes along. You all want me to be miserable in a relationship just like you? I keep seeing everyone’s joke of a relationship falling apart but you insist I should be going through that crap too? I appreciate the fact that for once I’m not the one going through the relationship bullshit, like the not being able to sleep or eat (however I do miss that weight loss plan), or the constant checking of my phone to see if they have called or text me, or worrying about where they are or who they are sleeping with. So I should give up my complete lack of emotional baggage, and my freedom just to say I’m in a relationship?

As you know my last relationships were Maury Povich-ish. First there was the asshole who couldn’t keep his penis in his pants and I constantly had to fight him and other bitches, oh did I mention he was an alcoholic? Then there was the little boy whom I had to hold his hand the whole relationship just to find out he was a MySpace cheater and finally well you all know about the most recent one… I admit I have poor choices in men, I have come to realize that my hate for men in general isn’t fair, I should hate the losers I have dated and not all men in the world. So when one of these assholes proves that the rest of you are not like the ones I’ve had the displeasure of knowing, then I will stop hating all of you.. LOL
So now that I have become the single/weird friend, you know the one who shows up at all the functions alone, the one who stays at home and watches re-runs of reality shows and eats tons of ice cream, the one who cancels all the vacations once I find out their couples trips.. Speaking of which, what’s with all the damn couple trips? Stop inviting me to stuff that is going to be a couples thing. Whats the problem, I appreciate the invite but I do not want to be a third wheel. Then you hit me with the suggestion… “bring so and so, he’ll go” .. NO I don’t want to bring SO AND SO, so and so is an asshole, which is why he isn’t my boyfriend.. . And just recently, I have become everyone’s “hook-up” project. Do I come off as that pathetic?

I know I’ve always been in relationships so it may be a little of a culture shock to see me single but give me a break.. And stop trying to hook me up with any Joe blow.. I’m not desperate! “give him a chance, he may be what you need”.. If I can’t even stand to look at him, I’m sure as not going to waste my time dating him.. I do have standards, you wouldn’t be able to tell based on the past but it’s true, I have standards, I was just drunk through most of my relationships.. LOL

So in conclusion: Unless your friend is Lyfe Jennings leave me alone! If someone comes along and I’m feeling him I will talk to him, but I do not need you all to feel sorry for me, I’m a big girl and I’m just fine I enjoy my own company more than I do most of yours! Thank you and enjoy your break-ups!

(P.S. I still love ya’ll, I know you mean well J)