From the heart
Did you ever meet a person who frustrated you? I mean, they were a great person but just needed some ‘fine tuning’ to make them perfect? I’m sure you know what I mean. They are pretty good the way they are, but COULD be so much better. And YOU know exactly what they need to do to be the sort of perfect they could be. Your mind is filled with “They Should” for this person. It is frustrating to be with this person because you see all of the amazing possibilities. Given half a chance, you know you could make this person the magnificent one they were meant to be.Why don’t they………………….

Not be so sensitive?
Be the leader they could be?
Step to the plate and mean it?
Entertain more?
Have a higher opinion of themselves?
Go to parties more, and for God‘s sake enjoy them?
What isn’t to enjoy?
Read more challenging books other than about Pirates and Rouges?
Stop reading between the lines?
Sleep more?
Stop living in a fairy tale world and see what the truth really is?
Cultivate more ‘genuine’ friends instead of just those computer ones?
Computer friends are not authentic.
Take more vitamins and the correct supplements?
And for goodness sake, start drinking milk again.
Stop eating red meat?
Not be so sensitive?

And on and on and on and on……………………………Meet me. I am the Queen of People Other People Want to Change. I’ve gotten so used to the words; “You should” that is seems part of my daily lexicon. I’ve heard the same mantra since I was old enough to understand more than Baby Talk. “You are great, but………………………”

There is always the butt.I look at me and guess if I was another person I’d want to “fix” me, too. I seem to walk around with a poster board saying, “Change me.“ The thing I hear the most is the ‘should’ about getting social more and sharing my wonderful, enchanting presence. People like to remind me I am well read and usually when thrown into a social situation can fake it pretty well so as to look like I am enjoying myself and not a nervous wreck. I’m up on and current events so when faced with that in a conversation can usually stay above water. To be fair, I actually have now gone to a couple of parties I can honestly say I enjoyed.

However, I have a long way to get to and it was MY goal.At times I feel like a blob of modeling clay. I go through life with people sticking holes into me, trying to change me wherever I go. The words I most hate are, “You shouldn’t feel like that. “ Hello, it is my heart we are dealing with here. How do you go about changing a heart? If I had the answer to that, I would have done it years ago. Being too sensitive is about the worst thing on the planet. Who wouldn’t want to change being hurt all the time?It started in my childhood when i listened intently and tried to become what my parents wanted me to be. I tried to be the best and daughter as I possibly could. Most of it worked out well for me. But “Now is your chance to really improve.

Get out there and do it!”Someone once asked me in a private conversation, “Why don’t you know how great you are?”It is an excellent question. I never felt pretty because I was told time and time again I wasn’t. Numerous times I would have boys “Cat Call” me when I went out. People would always exclaim they had no idea why they were doing such a thing. One time I was even accused of encouraging it by wearing my cut off jeans. I spent the rest of that day locked in my room. It came into play again when I entered high school and didn’t get one invitation to dance, let alone go on dates. The first person to tell me I was beautiful was a man 10 years my senior. I was a juniors in high school.

That is a long time to go constantly feeling at the bottom of the self esteem ladder. At no point in my public school education was I called smart. I would have settled for average, but that wasn’t even uttered. Two weeks ago I had an epiphany. People have always wanted to change me because I allow them to. Suddenly in hit me…..this is MY face. I can damned well do what I want with it. Movie star make-up is not my style. I don’t want to be perfect. I’m happy with the way I am and isn’t that the whole point of life? Happy?Yes, I am on a personal growth mission. But I will change when I WANT TO and feel I am ready, not when someone else wants me to. Everyone else just has to accept me the way I am; warts and all. And if I don’t change in the direction they want, tough. Live with it or get out.