As I'm sitting reading my favorite bloggers this evening, my phone goes off and it's a toll free number. I don't know about you, but these days? Unless I recognize the number on my phonel, it goes straight the machine. A toll free number at 10 p.m. at night can never be good- no raffle prizes won, lost relatives leaving you millions, Brad Pitt suddenly finding your number- yep, voicemail can handle it. Curious, I listen to the message and it's some guy telling me to turn the TV channel to watch a show on Channel 8.

Wow. I'll admit to watching too much TV, but when you get a voicemail telling you what shows to watch? It's time to step away from the clicker!OK, of COURSE, I had to see what the show was- I mean, they had my number, right? What if they are cyber stalking me and want to make sure I tuned in? It was an inspirational presentation on 'finding your voice'. First of all, I have no f**** clue how they found me, so finding my voice? And what was my voice going to say in my robe and bunny slippers at ten at night? But I was hooked. I'm a sucker for hope. Plop me down in front of a brimstone-and-fire preacher telling me I have a prayer in hell for all my dreams to come true and I'm singing to the rafters.

Let me watch a movie where the loyal dog is hurt after attacking the ferocious bear and I'm rooting for Ol' Yeller to move his tail and lick the boy's face. And yes, I have a sick fascination with Tony Robbins. I know, I'm ashamed...I'm sure there's some shock therapy for it. I picked up a book last week on the advice of a friend. It's about accepting your fate and life as it is. Right now. You have a serious illness, it's your fate. Accept it. Husband leave you with kids and no money? It's life. Deal with it. I had to put it down after the 4th chapter. I would get a knot in my stomach as I read the words- I kept skipping paragraphs waiting for it to get better. I was looking for that little shred of hope. Hope that your illness gets better. Hope that the abandoned mom becomes Mrs. Field's Cookies and becomes a millionaire.

Hope that tomorrow is somehow better than today.What is it about hope that we crave? Am I just not accepting that sometimes life sucks? Am I pollyanna here? I just can't imagine the world without even the possibility that positive things can happen. If not, why get up in the morning? I mean, I'll be the first to admit I've spent hundreds of dollars on inspirational books, DVDs, seminars- I even read my horoscope looking for that word or switch that will make me feel better about the rest of the day. I'm a walking bumper sticker- I've got chipper little catch phrases that would make Donny Osmond blarf. Am I Mrs. Fields? Or even someone remotely famous, rich, a writer, movie star? No, but I keep hoping. Some day. Maybe. It's that 'maybe' that keeps me going. No promises. No guarantees. Just maybe.What do you think? Are we just fooling ourselves? Or is hope worth believing in?