Dear (younger-firmer-idealistic yet already jaded) Me, ....
.. ..
I can’t believe it’s been 11 years. You’ll never believe everything that has happened and where you are now. I’m not going to tell you because you would cry and I hated crying even then. Don’t worry though, nothing has happened that can’t be fixed with a few corrections on your part. ....
.. ..
Stop doing drugs and drinking. I know that you can handle it, you’ll be okay but the people it will bring into your life in the next few years won’t be good for you. By drugs I also mean the Vicodin and pain pills. Just because a doctor prescribes them doesn’t make them healthy. ....
.. ..
Don’t let ----- cheat on you!Seriously don’t do it, I don’t care if it is just a few kisses with a few women, just don’t okay? You’ll wonder what you missed out on for the next ten years even if you know nothing would have came of it anyway. Watch how it plays out before you let it happen. ....
.. ..
When you meet any boy/man named Robert, Edward, Sam,Roger,Ricky,Kevin , any variation of the name Michael...well let’s face it, any boy at all who you kinda, sorta like.....RUN!!! Run as far away as you can and don’t look back. They are bad news, trust me. Until you meet one who doesn’t make you feel sorry for them or bad about yourself for being with them then you need to leave the boys alone. ....
.. ..
Go to school. Quit bitching about getting up early and staying out of school for no reason at all. You LIKE school, dumbass and at this point in your adolescence it is just about your one saving grace. When you’re older you’ll get it, for now just fucking go and quit wasting time. ....
.. ..
Tell on ----- when she stops eating and when she starts having unprotected sex. It will save a lot of people years of unhappiness if you just never, ever encourage her to have sex. Not everyone is like you when it comes to that and the sooner you learn that, the better. Tell her it’s awful and it hurts, she’ll listen to you when she won’t listen to anyone else. ....
.. ..
.. ..
Stop hating Mom. She is doing the best she can and you know it, you just don’t want to admit it. . ....
.. ..
Even when you ignore every bit of that advice, like I know you will, take this little bit of knowledge and cling to it tightly. You are awesome and don’t let anyone tell you different. You are never going to be perfect so quit trying. Quit trying to be what everyone needs you to be. Quit being so snotty and self centered. Quit trying to grow up so fucking fast. You honestly have no idea what you are giving up right now and I cry when I think about it. You are socially awkward but in a few short years that will be the “in” thing to be so just embrace it, you are a pioneer not an outcast. Don’t hate, it’s unproductive and don’t plot your revenge, they’ll all get what’s coming to them anyway. Be yourself, completely and without regret and absolutely the most important advice that I have to give that you won’t take....don’t worry, be happy. ....
.. ..
Love, ....
(older-wider-wiser-slightly less dysfunctional) Me
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
In pain....
He was lost. Beyond lost. He didn't even know where to begin to try to find his way out of this mess. But up ahead, he saw hope:
On the front porch of this old gas station sat four old men. The traveler pulled in and got out of his car. These men would help him find his way. "You lost?" one of the men asked as he approached. "I'm trying to get to the highway." "Oh. You're way off track." One of the men began giving directions and our young traveler tried to listen. But a sound distracted him. A barely perceptible high-pitched noise.
He looked around and saw a sad dog lying next to one of the men.
"Here buddy," the traveler said and the dog rose and laboriously made his way over to him. As he petted the animal, he noticed the dog no longer whimpered. Eventually the dog grew bored with the stranger's gentle touch and returned to his original spot. After walking in circles for a half a minute or so, he plopped down in the exact same place he'd occupied before. And promptly resumed whimpering. Finally, the traveler had to know. "What's the matter with your dog?" he asked the man who was sitting in the rocker closest to the dog.
The man looked down as if just noticing the dog for the first time. "Oh, that's Buster. He's lying on an old rusty nail." The man was confused. If the dog was in pain, why did he continue to stay on the nail? And why had he gotten up, only to return to the same spot which was hurting him? "Why doesn't he move?" the traveler finally asked the old guy. The old guy shrugged. "Guess it doesn't hurt bad enough yet."
Someone told me this old story years ago, when I was going through a difficult time. I heard her message loud and clear but I still chose to stay in my situation. I stayed until I could take no more. But it was long past the point when the whimpering had begun. Long past knowing that even though I hated to lose someone that meant that much to me, it was better to cut ties than to keep hurting. But I chose to keep hurting...
Just how badly does it have to hurt before you finally get off that old rusty nail?
He was lost. Beyond lost. He didn't even know where to begin to try to find his way out of this mess. But up ahead, he saw hope:
On the front porch of this old gas station sat four old men. The traveler pulled in and got out of his car. These men would help him find his way. "You lost?" one of the men asked as he approached. "I'm trying to get to the highway." "Oh. You're way off track." One of the men began giving directions and our young traveler tried to listen. But a sound distracted him. A barely perceptible high-pitched noise.
He looked around and saw a sad dog lying next to one of the men.
"Here buddy," the traveler said and the dog rose and laboriously made his way over to him. As he petted the animal, he noticed the dog no longer whimpered. Eventually the dog grew bored with the stranger's gentle touch and returned to his original spot. After walking in circles for a half a minute or so, he plopped down in the exact same place he'd occupied before. And promptly resumed whimpering. Finally, the traveler had to know. "What's the matter with your dog?" he asked the man who was sitting in the rocker closest to the dog.
The man looked down as if just noticing the dog for the first time. "Oh, that's Buster. He's lying on an old rusty nail." The man was confused. If the dog was in pain, why did he continue to stay on the nail? And why had he gotten up, only to return to the same spot which was hurting him? "Why doesn't he move?" the traveler finally asked the old guy. The old guy shrugged. "Guess it doesn't hurt bad enough yet."
Someone told me this old story years ago, when I was going through a difficult time. I heard her message loud and clear but I still chose to stay in my situation. I stayed until I could take no more. But it was long past the point when the whimpering had begun. Long past knowing that even though I hated to lose someone that meant that much to me, it was better to cut ties than to keep hurting. But I chose to keep hurting...
Just how badly does it have to hurt before you finally get off that old rusty nail?
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Is it cheating????
Infidelity. Such a simple word with a very complex meaning. But often it's not as much about cheating as mistrust. The betrayal that comes with an affair can shatter a relationship, and the parties involved, forever.
What constitutes cheating? The answer is, there's no definitive answer. Each person views it differently. Most people agree that erotic physical contact with a party outside of the relationship is cheating. Beyond that, it's all relative.
In an open marriage, even sex with an outsider is okay...as long as open communication is maintained between the couple. It works for those in the relationship because, bizarre as it may sound, trust is maintained. Sure, they go outside the marriage for sex, but the spouses show loyalty to each other by being open and honest about it.
Keeping all that in mind, let's look at three scenarios. You help me decide...what is cheating?
1. Look But Don't Touch.
Emotional affairs are at an all-time high in this country. It starts as a friendship, maybe even a work relationship. Certainly, having a friendship with a man is acceptable. Having feelings for a man (or woman) while committed to someone is a different story. The true test here is, once again, trust. Are you feeling the need to hide things from your husband or boyfriend? Are you fantasizing about this other man, looking forward to seeing him every day? Are you sharing intimate secrets that should be only communicated to the person you've committed to?
You could fall in love with a man outside your relationship without ever touching. Is it a violation? I guess the answer to that lies in how you would feel if your man fell in love with another woman. Would it matter if any touching had occurred?
2. The Ex Factor.
You broke up for a reason and you should be glad for it. Otherwise you would have never met your current love. But for some reason you want to stay in touch with your ex. Okay...but first you should ask yourself why. Why is it so important for you to contact him?
The most important question is, how does your ex feel about it? You must honor your current relationship, first and foremost. If the new man in your life wants you to toss the ex to the curb, by all means do so. It's just disrespectful not to.
And it's certainly disrespectful for you to stay in touch with the ex and not let your current lover know about it. Remember, it's all about honesty and trust. Even if you're only talking to your ex, the new man deserves to know about it. Otherwise...if you have nothing to hide, why are you hiding it?
3. It's only in your head.
Is it cheating to fantasize about someone else? If so, infidelity statistics would be through the roof...because almost everyone does it. The thing is, most of us would like to pretend it doesn't happen, not to the person we're in a relationship with.
It's human nature to admire beauty. We see it in everything around us, including members of the opposite sex. But it's one thing to look at something and another to dream about playing with it. Touching it. Making it your own...if for only a night. And if you're fantasizing about someone else while you're having sex with your lover or spouse, well, let's just say that's one tidbit you ought to keep to yourself. Because if your lover ever found out, there would be hell to pay.
So...what is your definition of cheating? Which of the above would be crossing the line for you? Would you be comfortable with your spouse flirting with a co-worker? Having lunch with an ex? Fantasizing about someone else? Would you do any of those things?
Infidelity. Such a simple word with a very complex meaning. But often it's not as much about cheating as mistrust. The betrayal that comes with an affair can shatter a relationship, and the parties involved, forever.
What constitutes cheating? The answer is, there's no definitive answer. Each person views it differently. Most people agree that erotic physical contact with a party outside of the relationship is cheating. Beyond that, it's all relative.
In an open marriage, even sex with an outsider is okay...as long as open communication is maintained between the couple. It works for those in the relationship because, bizarre as it may sound, trust is maintained. Sure, they go outside the marriage for sex, but the spouses show loyalty to each other by being open and honest about it.
Keeping all that in mind, let's look at three scenarios. You help me decide...what is cheating?
1. Look But Don't Touch.
Emotional affairs are at an all-time high in this country. It starts as a friendship, maybe even a work relationship. Certainly, having a friendship with a man is acceptable. Having feelings for a man (or woman) while committed to someone is a different story. The true test here is, once again, trust. Are you feeling the need to hide things from your husband or boyfriend? Are you fantasizing about this other man, looking forward to seeing him every day? Are you sharing intimate secrets that should be only communicated to the person you've committed to?
You could fall in love with a man outside your relationship without ever touching. Is it a violation? I guess the answer to that lies in how you would feel if your man fell in love with another woman. Would it matter if any touching had occurred?
2. The Ex Factor.
You broke up for a reason and you should be glad for it. Otherwise you would have never met your current love. But for some reason you want to stay in touch with your ex. Okay...but first you should ask yourself why. Why is it so important for you to contact him?
The most important question is, how does your ex feel about it? You must honor your current relationship, first and foremost. If the new man in your life wants you to toss the ex to the curb, by all means do so. It's just disrespectful not to.
And it's certainly disrespectful for you to stay in touch with the ex and not let your current lover know about it. Remember, it's all about honesty and trust. Even if you're only talking to your ex, the new man deserves to know about it. Otherwise...if you have nothing to hide, why are you hiding it?
3. It's only in your head.
Is it cheating to fantasize about someone else? If so, infidelity statistics would be through the roof...because almost everyone does it. The thing is, most of us would like to pretend it doesn't happen, not to the person we're in a relationship with.
It's human nature to admire beauty. We see it in everything around us, including members of the opposite sex. But it's one thing to look at something and another to dream about playing with it. Touching it. Making it your own...if for only a night. And if you're fantasizing about someone else while you're having sex with your lover or spouse, well, let's just say that's one tidbit you ought to keep to yourself. Because if your lover ever found out, there would be hell to pay.
So...what is your definition of cheating? Which of the above would be crossing the line for you? Would you be comfortable with your spouse flirting with a co-worker? Having lunch with an ex? Fantasizing about someone else? Would you do any of those things?
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