Is it cheating????

Infidelity. Such a simple word with a very complex meaning. But often it's not as much about cheating as mistrust. The betrayal that comes with an affair can shatter a relationship, and the parties involved, forever.

What constitutes cheating? The answer is, there's no definitive answer. Each person views it differently. Most people agree that erotic physical contact with a party outside of the relationship is cheating. Beyond that, it's all relative.

In an open marriage, even sex with an outsider is okay...as long as open communication is maintained between the couple. It works for those in the relationship because, bizarre as it may sound, trust is maintained. Sure, they go outside the marriage for sex, but the spouses show loyalty to each other by being open and honest about it.

Keeping all that in mind, let's look at three scenarios. You help me decide...what is cheating?

1. Look But Don't Touch.
Emotional affairs are at an all-time high in this country. It starts as a friendship, maybe even a work relationship. Certainly, having a friendship with a man is acceptable. Having feelings for a man (or woman) while committed to someone is a different story. The true test here is, once again, trust. Are you feeling the need to hide things from your husband or boyfriend? Are you fantasizing about this other man, looking forward to seeing him every day? Are you sharing intimate secrets that should be only communicated to the person you've committed to?
You could fall in love with a man outside your relationship without ever touching. Is it a violation? I guess the answer to that lies in how you would feel if your man fell in love with another woman. Would it matter if any touching had occurred?

2. The Ex Factor.
You broke up for a reason and you should be glad for it. Otherwise you would have never met your current love. But for some reason you want to stay in touch with your ex. Okay...but first you should ask yourself why. Why is it so important for you to contact him?
The most important question is, how does your ex feel about it? You must honor your current relationship, first and foremost. If the new man in your life wants you to toss the ex to the curb, by all means do so. It's just disrespectful not to.

And it's certainly disrespectful for you to stay in touch with the ex and not let your current lover know about it. Remember, it's all about honesty and trust. Even if you're only talking to your ex, the new man deserves to know about it. Otherwise...if you have nothing to hide, why are you hiding it?

3. It's only in your head.
Is it cheating to fantasize about someone else? If so, infidelity statistics would be through the roof...because almost everyone does it. The thing is, most of us would like to pretend it doesn't happen, not to the person we're in a relationship with.

It's human nature to admire beauty. We see it in everything around us, including members of the opposite sex. But it's one thing to look at something and another to dream about playing with it. Touching it. Making it your own...if for only a night. And if you're fantasizing about someone else while you're having sex with your lover or spouse, well, let's just say that's one tidbit you ought to keep to yourself. Because if your lover ever found out, there would be hell to pay.

So...what is your definition of cheating? Which of the above would be crossing the line for you? Would you be comfortable with your spouse flirting with a co-worker? Having lunch with an ex? Fantasizing about someone else? Would you do any of those things?