I'm getting old......
All of your life you seek out that perfect body. Some are lucky enough to have it from a young age and keep it into adulthood. Some of those people even are able to eat whatever they want without ever gaining a pound.
Must be nice.
But eventually, time catches up with all of us. Whether you had to fight every step of the way to maintain your figure...
...or it all came naturally, at some point gravity is going to take over. Things that were once perky will begin to sag. Skin that once had elasticity will begin to droop. And that muscle mass that was always taut and toned without an ounce of effort on your part will begin to atrophy. For many women, they will simply accept their fate. They make plenty of clothes to cover all the saggy parts and, besides, there's more to life than how one looks. Others will fight it every step of the way. Case in point...Holly Hunter:
Holly is 51. FIF. TY. ONE. And I'm not going to even lie to you. The woman looks awesome. One look at her and you KNOW that woman puts some major time into looking that good, though. She has to. She works in a business where the roles would have already dried up for her if she didn't. But even at that, I've heard people make wisecracks about her trying to look 25. Not long ago I was watching a movie with Cary Grant's ex-wife, Dyan Cannon. 71. Okay, the movie was made more than ten years ago, when she was in her early 60s. She was on a cruise ship with other senior citizens, making her the resident hottie. Throughout the movie she wore long sleeves and tons of makeup and unless you really THOUGHT about it, you didn't really think of her as a 60-something woman trying to look 20.
In fact, betcha 10 years ago I wouldn't have thought about it at all. But lately, I've been thinking about it a lot. We go to Wal-Mart on a hot weekend afternoon and I'm looking around at all the 150-pound 15-year-olds in tank tops and short-shorts. Sure they might not fit into those clothes as well as some other girls, but they, for the most part, have firm skin and muscle tone. They don't look nearly as bad in those tank tops as they will at the same weight when they are 50. To every thing, there is a season.
There's a season to wear sleeveless dresses...
And a season to cover those darn bat wings UP:
When your season has come and gone, you have two choices. You can spend four hours a day in the gym fighting it with everything you have...or you can just buy some clothes with sleeves on them. They make them, you know.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Life's Obstacles
When I think of the past year of my life, I often think of the saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade," because, frankly, life has given me more than my fair share of lemons, but I have learned how to make lemon drops! I'm sure I have groves of lemon trees and brought allot of it on myself. Those of you who know me well in real life have heard me say that I have felt like I was rowing a tanker with a toothpick for the past year.
I knew I had to keep rowing even though I felt like the tanker was going nowhere. If I stopped rowing I would sink. So row I did.Slowly I started noticing progress, but I had so many miles to go. The journey was costly, frustrating, tiring, and full of some of the most difficult challenges I have ever faced in my life.But I want to tell you something. You have to keep rowing, and you have to believe you are moving forward even when it doesn't feel like you're making any progress.I am so close to the end of this journey.
I can see the port in the distance. Somehow I survived some life experiences that would have crushed most people. My friends often tell me they can't believe how strong I am, how I persevere, and how I somehow remain optimistic. I am an over achiever and very competitive with myself. Failure is not an option when so much life is at stake, but sometimes things just don’t work out.
You can't make someone love you but somehow I feel like a superhero that has spent the year in some alternate universe slaying dragons, demons, and all of my self made arch nemeses. I've been battered and battle weary, but I came out a stronger, more confident person.The obstacles, the economy, and my breakups forced me to change my perspective on almost everything in my life. You appreciate life so much more when you've been down to the very bottom and had to fight your way back up to the light. You really do.
Julie row the boat ashore.......
When I think of the past year of my life, I often think of the saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade," because, frankly, life has given me more than my fair share of lemons, but I have learned how to make lemon drops! I'm sure I have groves of lemon trees and brought allot of it on myself. Those of you who know me well in real life have heard me say that I have felt like I was rowing a tanker with a toothpick for the past year.
I knew I had to keep rowing even though I felt like the tanker was going nowhere. If I stopped rowing I would sink. So row I did.Slowly I started noticing progress, but I had so many miles to go. The journey was costly, frustrating, tiring, and full of some of the most difficult challenges I have ever faced in my life.But I want to tell you something. You have to keep rowing, and you have to believe you are moving forward even when it doesn't feel like you're making any progress.I am so close to the end of this journey.
I can see the port in the distance. Somehow I survived some life experiences that would have crushed most people. My friends often tell me they can't believe how strong I am, how I persevere, and how I somehow remain optimistic. I am an over achiever and very competitive with myself. Failure is not an option when so much life is at stake, but sometimes things just don’t work out.
You can't make someone love you but somehow I feel like a superhero that has spent the year in some alternate universe slaying dragons, demons, and all of my self made arch nemeses. I've been battered and battle weary, but I came out a stronger, more confident person.The obstacles, the economy, and my breakups forced me to change my perspective on almost everything in my life. You appreciate life so much more when you've been down to the very bottom and had to fight your way back up to the light. You really do.
Julie row the boat ashore.......
Friday, June 12, 2009
A guy friend of mine asked me the other day, "why do women react to some cheating worse than others?"
After asking a few questions for clarity on the question, I responded like this:
First of all, there are degrees of cheating. Every woman is different, so this is a discussion to be had between partners, ya dig? Some women are so sensitive, that if you even LOOK at another woman, they feel disrespected and cheated on. On the other end of the spectrum, you have some women that expect a certain level of cheating, and can handle their man having sex with a random woman or women if it's only a one-night stand, but have problems with their man actually "dating" or spending time with another woman. There all kinds of variations in the middle of that spectrum. Some of you will refer to swinging, or partner swapping, which is a whole other topic.
For most women, the emotional distress is the biggest issue. Most women have trouble with thinking about their men sleeping with another woman. However, if a woman is otherwise happy with the relationship, there is a great possibility that she can and will get over a one-time thing. However, when a woman enters into a committed relationship with a man, she envisions (and expects) that she is the ONLY one. Any destruction of that perception will scar the relationship. But there are several things that complicate the situation.
The cardinal sins of cheating are as follows:
• Never cheat with a known associate of your partner (i.e., friend, family member, co-worker, neighbor, arch enemy (lol), etc.)
• All extra-curricular whores should be treated as such (i.e., you should not feed, clothe, shelter, transport, "sponsor", or impregnate any such woman or her associates – including children)
• Never discuss your woman with any other woman that is not blood related
• Do not expose your family (especially your children) to extra-curricular whores
• Never have unprotected sex with any woman that is not yours
• Avoid oral contact (especially kissing)
• No gifts should be exchanged unless they can be shared with your No. 1…lol (It's pimpin', pimpin…lol)
• Never perform extraordinary sexual acts outside of your relationship unless they have been banned from your current relationship.
• No traveling with women who are not blood related
• Dating should be at a minimum, but she should pay and there should be no PDA and public appearances should be far away from your norm, and nowhere you have ever been with your woman
• Make sure that your No. 1 is taken care of physically and emotionally (otherwise she'll be looking for whatever clues u leave behind)
These are a few basics. I understand that to most men, these rules sound ridiculous when you put them all together. But that's why your women get all pissed off and wanna fight and leave u when u get caught. lol…. If you follow the rules, things will be a lot easier and much more forgivable. If you can't follow these rules when you're cheating, then you're not one of those rare guys that should be allowed to cheat. When these rules are followed, most men get a slap on the wrist if and when they get caught.
After asking a few questions for clarity on the question, I responded like this:
First of all, there are degrees of cheating. Every woman is different, so this is a discussion to be had between partners, ya dig? Some women are so sensitive, that if you even LOOK at another woman, they feel disrespected and cheated on. On the other end of the spectrum, you have some women that expect a certain level of cheating, and can handle their man having sex with a random woman or women if it's only a one-night stand, but have problems with their man actually "dating" or spending time with another woman. There all kinds of variations in the middle of that spectrum. Some of you will refer to swinging, or partner swapping, which is a whole other topic.
For most women, the emotional distress is the biggest issue. Most women have trouble with thinking about their men sleeping with another woman. However, if a woman is otherwise happy with the relationship, there is a great possibility that she can and will get over a one-time thing. However, when a woman enters into a committed relationship with a man, she envisions (and expects) that she is the ONLY one. Any destruction of that perception will scar the relationship. But there are several things that complicate the situation.
The cardinal sins of cheating are as follows:
• Never cheat with a known associate of your partner (i.e., friend, family member, co-worker, neighbor, arch enemy (lol), etc.)
• All extra-curricular whores should be treated as such (i.e., you should not feed, clothe, shelter, transport, "sponsor", or impregnate any such woman or her associates – including children)
• Never discuss your woman with any other woman that is not blood related
• Do not expose your family (especially your children) to extra-curricular whores
• Never have unprotected sex with any woman that is not yours
• Avoid oral contact (especially kissing)
• No gifts should be exchanged unless they can be shared with your No. 1…lol (It's pimpin', pimpin…lol)
• Never perform extraordinary sexual acts outside of your relationship unless they have been banned from your current relationship.
• No traveling with women who are not blood related
• Dating should be at a minimum, but she should pay and there should be no PDA and public appearances should be far away from your norm, and nowhere you have ever been with your woman
• Make sure that your No. 1 is taken care of physically and emotionally (otherwise she'll be looking for whatever clues u leave behind)
These are a few basics. I understand that to most men, these rules sound ridiculous when you put them all together. But that's why your women get all pissed off and wanna fight and leave u when u get caught. lol…. If you follow the rules, things will be a lot easier and much more forgivable. If you can't follow these rules when you're cheating, then you're not one of those rare guys that should be allowed to cheat. When these rules are followed, most men get a slap on the wrist if and when they get caught.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Why Do We Allow Fear To Control Us?
Staring at a picture I have stored away, they seem so perfectly happy, so in love. Niagra Falls. An embrace. He's kissing her hair, smiling for the camera. She's snuggled against his chest, tightly held in his arms. But thats not me. I'm not in the embrace- the man I once loved is holding someone else. I was unknowingly left behind. Left alone....alone....again.
Facing a future by myself, I wonder if I'll find love again. Wondering if I'll ever experience that magic again. My worst fear- to never share my life with someone, to carry on alone, to never find that amazing depth of love I once knew.Meh, f*** it. I could go on and write another 'tragic soul' blog, share my torment of being left alone, broken hearted once again, trapped in the paralytic fear that I will be alone forever. But I'd be lying. I have a choice.
CHOICE
CHOICE
CHOICE
I can allow the fear to control me, to allow me to walk around life broken and shattered or I can try and control the fear itself, to control the fear of the unknown, the fear of the future, the fear of me.Why do we allow fear to control us? To hold us back, to allow ourselves to settle for less than what and who we should be? I find myself doing it time and time again- fear of risk, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of the future. There are legitimate fears, our children, the economy, our jobs. We as a species were inbred with fear for survival, to flee from predators and forces of nature. So why don't we use it the way it was intended instead of allowing it to defeat us? Where did we go wrong on this?And I get scary closet monsters and ghosts.
I've been known to run in my dark bedroom and jump on my bed so the monster doesn't grab my ankle from underneath. And I'm 46. I sleep with the lights on when I watch Ghost Hunters or A Haunting. But why do I allow myself to be afraid to take a risk? To do something different that would change my world? To be alone? I've grown accustom to my safe world, I know where everything is, I have order. To reach beyond that might shake things loose, I might experience change, and I could even be better for it. And yet, I'm afraid to step outside my box.
My fear of being alone has forced me to stay in bad relationships, I was afraid to get out when I should have. I suffered and settled for less than I deserved because 'alone' was so much scarier than the bad reality I lived in. But was it really? That I wasted time being miserable for something that may or may not ever happen? For something that was pure speculation?
Now that I have been alone for awhile, looking back I realize how foolish I was. Sure, I prefer being in a relationship, being part of something bigger than myself, belonging to someone. But until that happens, I've made the choice to be happy. To do the things I've always dreamed of, to take as much risk as I can handle, to reach outside of my box. I've been hiking, traveling to places I've never been, to do things I've always wanted to try. Do I get lonely sometimes? Abso-f**ing-lutely, but I don't allow it to hold me back.
I have a choice to stay home on Valentine's Day crying to romantic movies or to go out and have fun with friends. I have the choice to wallow in my loneliness or go out and meet new people, even internet dating (there's a blog in itself). I have the choice to stay home a tortured soul or to go out and explore- even all by myself- and figure out the world. I've discovered that I can't rely on someone else to make me happy, it's an inside job. I can't worry about the future and being alone.
I'm alone right now, this minute. It's here...and it isn't bad at all.
Staring at a picture I have stored away, they seem so perfectly happy, so in love. Niagra Falls. An embrace. He's kissing her hair, smiling for the camera. She's snuggled against his chest, tightly held in his arms. But thats not me. I'm not in the embrace- the man I once loved is holding someone else. I was unknowingly left behind. Left alone....alone....again.
Facing a future by myself, I wonder if I'll find love again. Wondering if I'll ever experience that magic again. My worst fear- to never share my life with someone, to carry on alone, to never find that amazing depth of love I once knew.Meh, f*** it. I could go on and write another 'tragic soul' blog, share my torment of being left alone, broken hearted once again, trapped in the paralytic fear that I will be alone forever. But I'd be lying. I have a choice.
CHOICE
CHOICE
CHOICE
I can allow the fear to control me, to allow me to walk around life broken and shattered or I can try and control the fear itself, to control the fear of the unknown, the fear of the future, the fear of me.Why do we allow fear to control us? To hold us back, to allow ourselves to settle for less than what and who we should be? I find myself doing it time and time again- fear of risk, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of the future. There are legitimate fears, our children, the economy, our jobs. We as a species were inbred with fear for survival, to flee from predators and forces of nature. So why don't we use it the way it was intended instead of allowing it to defeat us? Where did we go wrong on this?And I get scary closet monsters and ghosts.
I've been known to run in my dark bedroom and jump on my bed so the monster doesn't grab my ankle from underneath. And I'm 46. I sleep with the lights on when I watch Ghost Hunters or A Haunting. But why do I allow myself to be afraid to take a risk? To do something different that would change my world? To be alone? I've grown accustom to my safe world, I know where everything is, I have order. To reach beyond that might shake things loose, I might experience change, and I could even be better for it. And yet, I'm afraid to step outside my box.
My fear of being alone has forced me to stay in bad relationships, I was afraid to get out when I should have. I suffered and settled for less than I deserved because 'alone' was so much scarier than the bad reality I lived in. But was it really? That I wasted time being miserable for something that may or may not ever happen? For something that was pure speculation?
Now that I have been alone for awhile, looking back I realize how foolish I was. Sure, I prefer being in a relationship, being part of something bigger than myself, belonging to someone. But until that happens, I've made the choice to be happy. To do the things I've always dreamed of, to take as much risk as I can handle, to reach outside of my box. I've been hiking, traveling to places I've never been, to do things I've always wanted to try. Do I get lonely sometimes? Abso-f**ing-lutely, but I don't allow it to hold me back.
I have a choice to stay home on Valentine's Day crying to romantic movies or to go out and have fun with friends. I have the choice to wallow in my loneliness or go out and meet new people, even internet dating (there's a blog in itself). I have the choice to stay home a tortured soul or to go out and explore- even all by myself- and figure out the world. I've discovered that I can't rely on someone else to make me happy, it's an inside job. I can't worry about the future and being alone.
I'm alone right now, this minute. It's here...and it isn't bad at all.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
We seem to have a little bit of a discrepancy in marriage and infidelity statistics. It's something that's bothered me for a while so I'm just going to put it out there. Statistics show roughly half of all married men cheat. 45 percent to 55 percent of all married women cheat. That's half. And, chances are, it's not the SAME half. In other words, the men who are cheating do not just so happen to be married to the women who are cheating.
On top of that, HALF of all marriages end in divorce. And any of us who has ever had a friend who was "the other woman" knows unfaithful men NEVER leave their wives. So...if half of all marriages end in divorce but the 50 percent who cheat never leave their wives, does that mean that the 50 percent who stay married are the ones cheating? So if you don't cheat, you divorce? It's one or the other? Or maybe it's just that statistics are a bunch of crap.
I look around and think about all the married people I know. No way are half of them cheating or being cheated on. No way. Okay, maybe I'm naive. What I noticed, though, is all over the Internet you see sources dropping this 50 percent statistic but not a single site I found actually said where this information came from. How do they KNOW these people are cheating? Did they install hidden cameras at their workplaces? Have they bugged everyone's phones? Are they just GUESSING?
No one has ever asked me about my fidelity or lack thereof. Not in an official capacity anyway. Has anyone ever asked you? Is that one of the questions the Census-takers ask? I don't recall that one. If you poll marital therapists on how many of their clients are cheating, you'll probably get an answer of "about half." That's why they're in therapy, fool. Tell the woman who is madly in love with her married boss that half of all marriages end in divorce. She'll tell you she WISHED that were true. She's waiting around for the day her boss's marriage fails. Maybe she'll get involved with him, maybe she'll just crush on him for thirty years, but chances are, he ain't leavin' that wife. Yes, infidelity causes divorce.
Supposedly a third of all divorces are due to infidelity. But what most of these mistresses don't realize is that even IF these men divorce their wives, they rarely marry the mistress. Only three percent do, according to statistics. And IF they marry the other woman, the likelihood of divorce hovers somewhere around 75 percent. Why? I think we all know the answer to that one. Let's all say it together:
IF HE CHEATS WITH YOU, HE'LL CHEAT ON YOU.
Statistics or not, we probably all could have told these women that a relationship like this is doomed in the first place. It would take a pretty secure woman to marry a man she'd known was cheating before and not be paranoid about his every move. And, as we all know, secure women don't engage in affairs with married men. I don't need to do a survey to know that much.
What's the percentage of cheating men who claim their wives don't understand them? They haven't had sex in eleven years? They never really loved her...just married her for convenience? Pretty high, I'd say. Statistics are only as good as their sources...yet people take them as fact. Everyone spouts off the, "Half of all men cheat" statistic but if you ask what the source of that statistic is, they'll likely say, "I don't know. I just heard it somewhere." In fact, MOST of this statistic-spouting starts with the same two words: "THEY say." Who are THEY? I think it's time to ask. Because it seems most of the time when you put all the statistics together in one place, they don't add up.
On top of that, HALF of all marriages end in divorce. And any of us who has ever had a friend who was "the other woman" knows unfaithful men NEVER leave their wives. So...if half of all marriages end in divorce but the 50 percent who cheat never leave their wives, does that mean that the 50 percent who stay married are the ones cheating? So if you don't cheat, you divorce? It's one or the other? Or maybe it's just that statistics are a bunch of crap.
I look around and think about all the married people I know. No way are half of them cheating or being cheated on. No way. Okay, maybe I'm naive. What I noticed, though, is all over the Internet you see sources dropping this 50 percent statistic but not a single site I found actually said where this information came from. How do they KNOW these people are cheating? Did they install hidden cameras at their workplaces? Have they bugged everyone's phones? Are they just GUESSING?
No one has ever asked me about my fidelity or lack thereof. Not in an official capacity anyway. Has anyone ever asked you? Is that one of the questions the Census-takers ask? I don't recall that one. If you poll marital therapists on how many of their clients are cheating, you'll probably get an answer of "about half." That's why they're in therapy, fool. Tell the woman who is madly in love with her married boss that half of all marriages end in divorce. She'll tell you she WISHED that were true. She's waiting around for the day her boss's marriage fails. Maybe she'll get involved with him, maybe she'll just crush on him for thirty years, but chances are, he ain't leavin' that wife. Yes, infidelity causes divorce.
Supposedly a third of all divorces are due to infidelity. But what most of these mistresses don't realize is that even IF these men divorce their wives, they rarely marry the mistress. Only three percent do, according to statistics. And IF they marry the other woman, the likelihood of divorce hovers somewhere around 75 percent. Why? I think we all know the answer to that one. Let's all say it together:
IF HE CHEATS WITH YOU, HE'LL CHEAT ON YOU.
Statistics or not, we probably all could have told these women that a relationship like this is doomed in the first place. It would take a pretty secure woman to marry a man she'd known was cheating before and not be paranoid about his every move. And, as we all know, secure women don't engage in affairs with married men. I don't need to do a survey to know that much.
What's the percentage of cheating men who claim their wives don't understand them? They haven't had sex in eleven years? They never really loved her...just married her for convenience? Pretty high, I'd say. Statistics are only as good as their sources...yet people take them as fact. Everyone spouts off the, "Half of all men cheat" statistic but if you ask what the source of that statistic is, they'll likely say, "I don't know. I just heard it somewhere." In fact, MOST of this statistic-spouting starts with the same two words: "THEY say." Who are THEY? I think it's time to ask. Because it seems most of the time when you put all the statistics together in one place, they don't add up.
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