FIGHT TO THE FINISH .....

"Never go to bed angry," many wise men (and women) have said. "Don't let the sun set on an argument." "Always make sure you say 'I love you' before you go to sleep at night." There are simple, logical reasons for that advice. A couple of weeks ago, TV spokesman Billy Mays went to bed and never woke up. He was 50 years old.

His wife discovered him dead upon waking the next morning. The story haunted me from the moment I heard it...one, because 50 just isn't all that old. It's 9 years older than my brother.....8 years younger than my mother. It could happen to any of us. Depressing, I know. Think of all of the times in your life you've gone to bed angry with someone. Or have hung up the phone, furious, without saying you love each other. Think of the times one of you stormed out of the house and got behind the wheel. What would have happened if your loved one had been taken from you? How devastated would you have been to know the last words you spoke to that person were spoken in anger?

Some people have to go away from an argument and cool down, coming back later to deal with it. Sometimes those people never even deal with the problem. They just assume their "cooling off" period resolved the issue. Meanwhile, the other person's resentment continues to build and build and build... I'm someone who drives the person I'm with crazy. A friend once told me I'm a "resolutionist." I cannot rest until an issue is at rest.

People like me always, inevitably, end up with the type of person who runs away from a fight. And people like me ALWAYS drive those people absolutely crazy. "Why can't you just give me an hour or two to calm down?" those people will ask. Because by the time that person has calmed down and come back to you again, inevitably he or she will want to talk about anything but the issue at hand. But guess what? You can bury issues but they're still there. Beneath that big, cozy rug over there. And resolutionists know it's there. It's that dirt that makes your relationship stink to high heaven.

On the flip side, though, are those like me who have to analyze everything to death. Everything has a reason, usually embedded in past relationships or even childhood hurts. Some people just get tired of psychoanalyzing everything to death. They just want to take a pill and go to bed, for God's sake, but she will not. Stop. Talking. Somewhere between these two extremes, there's a compromise. A middle ground. Maybe the key is for both of you to meet somewhere in the middle. Agree to go away but only IF you'll discuss (in moderation) the issue at hand once you've both cooled down.

Or maybe sometimes the analytical type just needs to accept that not everything has a solution. Not everything can be "fixed." So...which are you? In a fight do you have to go away? Or do you like to fight to the finish?